I know a number of ladies who are expecting their first baby or just recently had their first child. They are giddy with excitement and wonder and overwhelmed with love, which is just as it should be. I am very happy for them and excited to see their babies' sweet faces.
I am also happy I am not them. As much excitement and wonder and love as I felt when my first child was born, there was also an equal amount of anxiety and confusion and disappointment. These things just come with the territory.
Perhaps the best thing about being a first-time mom is the time to sit and hold your baby without interruption, without having to tend to anyone else but that one infant. Every milestone is a HUGE milestone as if that baby is the only one in the history of the world to ever smile or toot or drool.
The downside of first-time motherhood is you just don't know what the hell you're doing, and you KNOW you don't know what the hell you're doing. Every moment is just wingin' it. You don't know any of the tricks that you realize you've figured out when the second or third or tenth child comes down the pike. You realize that someone made a huge mistake and made you TOTALLY RESPONSIBLE for this wee babe. WTF????
I recall the dread I felt when D and I brought N home from the hospital and set her carseat in the living room. What the heck do we do now? We wondered how life could continue as normal--- everything was suddenly very different because of this small little person in the room. I think we just kinda puttered around the house for awhile, wandering from room to room.
Another downside to first-time mothering is you think every stage is gonna last forever.....both good stages and bad stages. N was one of those exceptionally weird babies who start sleeping 12 hours a night at 4 weeks of age. "We're good to go now!," I thought, anticipating that this was the way it would be forever. When she started waking up constantly at 6 months of age due to teething, I was confused and unbelievably disappointed.
I sometimes still find it hard to believe that I am a seasoned mom. Somehow having 3 kids puts me into a weird category of "How do you do it?" I think about the mom friends I know who have 5+ kids, and I think, "I don't know sh*t. How do they do it?"
This category of "momdom" brings with it the sometimes slightly smug internal laughter at newbie moms and moms of singletons who lament how tired they are or how challenging it is to care for one baby. One child is like a spa vacation, but you don't realize this until you have more than one child for whom to care.
Still, I try to be positive for and supportive of all of my mom friends because motherhood is a tough gig, no matter how many you mother or for how long you've been mothering.
I am also happy I am not them. As much excitement and wonder and love as I felt when my first child was born, there was also an equal amount of anxiety and confusion and disappointment. These things just come with the territory.
Perhaps the best thing about being a first-time mom is the time to sit and hold your baby without interruption, without having to tend to anyone else but that one infant. Every milestone is a HUGE milestone as if that baby is the only one in the history of the world to ever smile or toot or drool.
The downside of first-time motherhood is you just don't know what the hell you're doing, and you KNOW you don't know what the hell you're doing. Every moment is just wingin' it. You don't know any of the tricks that you realize you've figured out when the second or third or tenth child comes down the pike. You realize that someone made a huge mistake and made you TOTALLY RESPONSIBLE for this wee babe. WTF????
I recall the dread I felt when D and I brought N home from the hospital and set her carseat in the living room. What the heck do we do now? We wondered how life could continue as normal--- everything was suddenly very different because of this small little person in the room. I think we just kinda puttered around the house for awhile, wandering from room to room.
Another downside to first-time mothering is you think every stage is gonna last forever.....both good stages and bad stages. N was one of those exceptionally weird babies who start sleeping 12 hours a night at 4 weeks of age. "We're good to go now!," I thought, anticipating that this was the way it would be forever. When she started waking up constantly at 6 months of age due to teething, I was confused and unbelievably disappointed.
I sometimes still find it hard to believe that I am a seasoned mom. Somehow having 3 kids puts me into a weird category of "How do you do it?" I think about the mom friends I know who have 5+ kids, and I think, "I don't know sh*t. How do they do it?"
This category of "momdom" brings with it the sometimes slightly smug internal laughter at newbie moms and moms of singletons who lament how tired they are or how challenging it is to care for one baby. One child is like a spa vacation, but you don't realize this until you have more than one child for whom to care.
Still, I try to be positive for and supportive of all of my mom friends because motherhood is a tough gig, no matter how many you mother or for how long you've been mothering.
5 comments:
Oh yes. Well said. I do not envy any first time moms EXCEPT for that magical moment of realization that you are a mom and you first feel that special, instant love for your child. Its like a light flips on in your spirit and you feel filled. That is a really neat feeling, a lot like falling in love with a spouse. Its not something that can happen again for the first time ever, and you can only glimpse it with a second baby.
But I do feel so much more confidence having a baby a second time that I am thankul for. Its great to know there are good moments to look forward to!
As a soon-to-be first time mom, this was hilarious...and kind of scary. :)
I always get asked "how do you do it?" and my response is always the same. I didn't start out with five kids...I built up to it. Sort of how a marathon runner doesn't start out running 26 miles, they have to work their way up to it. So, I often remind myself of this when I want to giggle at a new mom or a mom with only one child. There was a time when I was that woman and it was hard for me too. Each stage in life presents new challenges and we all just have to roll with the punches. :)
I only have two, and lots of days I don't know how anyone does it, including me. But yes, so much of the baby/toddler stuff that was so intimidating with Harper was just not a big deal with Michael... I'm not sorry to not be starting from square one with any of that!
Well-said, from beginning to end. Great post. Oh, what I wish I had known when I only had one child....and what I'm glad I DIDN'T know...
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