I think I am finally working through an issue that has plagued me for the past few years---my desire to replicate all the wonderful things I did with N when she was a young child with my boys and the near impossibility of doing so.
There is a luxury with having only one child that one doesn't fully appreciate until one has more than a singleton child and especially when those other children are closely spaced in age.
When N was a toddler and preschooler we took My Gym classes and Music Together classes and participated in all sorts of fun MOMS Club activities, and those things were wonderful and created great memories.
Our local My Gym is now closed (sadly), and while I did take a class there once the boys came on the scene, it was with both boys, which eliminated the possibility of having quality "alone" time with either G or M.
I took a Music Together class with G when M was smaller, and while we enjoyed it, it sometimes felt like a chore every week since I had to make sure M had been nursed prior to going and I had to get back soon after the class to put M down for his nap and on occasions when I didn't have a sitter, I had to take M along with us. It just wasn't the same as it had been when N and I took classes together when she was 2-and-a-half.
When N was small, I was able to take her and my mom out to lunch quite often because N was able to sit and chat and enjoy being still for longer than half a second. Boys, or my boys, at least, don't sit still. Ever. So while we are sometimes able to eat a quick bite at Panera or McAllister's, we don't do it very often because I can only handle so much indigestion from eating a sandwich in 2 gulps.
When N was 4 or so, D and I took her to see The Nutcracker ballet, and it was magical, but I would be a complete fool to spend $60 to take G to see a ballet. Perhaps when he is older (like 22)? I do what I can with him, though. His playgroup will be seeing a short play based on the picture book How I Became a Pirate in the spring. I figure since he likes pirates and will be 4-and-a-half by the time the show runs, he can probably handle sitting still for an hour. (Plus, if he is miserable and we need to skedaddle, I will only be out $10 for both of our tickets.)
It is impossible to be the same doting, patient mom with my boys that I was with N. I am older now and more tired from tending to 3 children. I have to consider the needs and desires of both boys, where back in the day I only had to consider N. My boys personalities and energy levels and interests are nothing like N at the same age. She could play kitchen and restaurant but the boys only enjoy dumping out all the play food items on the floor and trying to stick the plastic hot dogs up their nostrils.
With the boys I have to discover a new definition of quality time, a new array of interesting activities, a new way of creating lasting and special memories.
And that is ok.
There is a luxury with having only one child that one doesn't fully appreciate until one has more than a singleton child and especially when those other children are closely spaced in age.
When N was a toddler and preschooler we took My Gym classes and Music Together classes and participated in all sorts of fun MOMS Club activities, and those things were wonderful and created great memories.
Our local My Gym is now closed (sadly), and while I did take a class there once the boys came on the scene, it was with both boys, which eliminated the possibility of having quality "alone" time with either G or M.
I took a Music Together class with G when M was smaller, and while we enjoyed it, it sometimes felt like a chore every week since I had to make sure M had been nursed prior to going and I had to get back soon after the class to put M down for his nap and on occasions when I didn't have a sitter, I had to take M along with us. It just wasn't the same as it had been when N and I took classes together when she was 2-and-a-half.
When N was small, I was able to take her and my mom out to lunch quite often because N was able to sit and chat and enjoy being still for longer than half a second. Boys, or my boys, at least, don't sit still. Ever. So while we are sometimes able to eat a quick bite at Panera or McAllister's, we don't do it very often because I can only handle so much indigestion from eating a sandwich in 2 gulps.
When N was 4 or so, D and I took her to see The Nutcracker ballet, and it was magical, but I would be a complete fool to spend $60 to take G to see a ballet. Perhaps when he is older (like 22)? I do what I can with him, though. His playgroup will be seeing a short play based on the picture book How I Became a Pirate in the spring. I figure since he likes pirates and will be 4-and-a-half by the time the show runs, he can probably handle sitting still for an hour. (Plus, if he is miserable and we need to skedaddle, I will only be out $10 for both of our tickets.)
It is impossible to be the same doting, patient mom with my boys that I was with N. I am older now and more tired from tending to 3 children. I have to consider the needs and desires of both boys, where back in the day I only had to consider N. My boys personalities and energy levels and interests are nothing like N at the same age. She could play kitchen and restaurant but the boys only enjoy dumping out all the play food items on the floor and trying to stick the plastic hot dogs up their nostrils.
With the boys I have to discover a new definition of quality time, a new array of interesting activities, a new way of creating lasting and special memories.
And that is ok.
1 comment:
You are SO right-on with this post! I've thought many, many times how much I took for granted the joy and simplicity of having just one child, and how utterly impossible it is to recreate the same experiences with the other kids. Of course, multiple children bring new and different joys, but boy -- like with many things in my life, I wish I had known to truly embrace and savor those 2 1/2 years I had with Bailey alone, rather than feeling bored, or ready to move on to the "next step" of having baby #2.
A good friend just had her second baby 10 days ago, and my advice to her in those last few weeks before the baby was born was to savor the feeling of being able to devote all of her attention and energy to one child. I know this isn't exactly what you're talking about in this post -- you're talking logistics, too, but my mind just wandered over here to the emotional aspects....
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