School freakouts

I am totally unsure what to make of G right now.

The first day of preschool (Sep 12) he was very excited, but on the second day of school before we left the house he said, "I don't want to go back."  Of course, he did fine once we were in the car and on our way.

Last week his teacher (one of my FB friends) told me that G is polite and a good listener and they wish they had a whole class full of Gs.  I think she might have gotten him confused with another child.  Each day he was out of the car and running inside while I was trying to kiss his cheek and hand him his bookbag.

I told G that this coming Monday, the 26th, which is his 4th birthday he can take treats as his special snack for himself and his classmates (which he has been telling me for months would be Cars 2 gummies).  Although on the one hand he is excited to take treats and dinosaur napkins and has shown everyone the snack box a zillion times, he also said he doesn't want to go back to preschool ever again.

This past Friday, the 23rd, for the first time ever, G threw a huge crying, screaming, thrashing fit going to speech class.  Ms. Melissa had to carry him inside the building.  Once inside, he calmed down and worked just fine.  But it completely threw me for a loop.  I knew it was best to hand him off to her and drive away, but my heart was breaking.  Even when my kid is acting like a complete turd, I hate to see him upset.

My gut feeling is that G is simply reacting to not being in control....having to go to school and go to speech while M stays with me.  He likes school and likes speech but is just pissed about not having a say in the matter.

But the anxious momma in me is extrapolating this minor school angst to mean that he will struggle with school from here on out, and I'll have to switch him into different schools because he will have behavior issues and then he maybe won't finish high school and how will he find a job and maybe he'll get into drugs because of his school troubles.

I'm gonna stop there because I really don't like all the worrisome places my mind can take me.

This parenting business ain't for sissies.

One of the best things about preschool

When I was teaching, I did the Scholastic book clubs. I know some people hate doing these because of handing the fliers out, collecting the money, logging the orders and then divying everything up when the goods arrive. But I loved every aspect of it.

So this was one of the things I most looked forward to when N started preschool last year. I would have been the book club mom for her preschool, but there was already a mom in charge of it. Darn.

I get really excited when I see N waiting in the carpool line with the fliers clipped to her bookbag. I am really good at telling N, "No, you can't have this, that and the other," but I am a sucker for books, especially fairly cheap books. I always allow her to purchase a couple books each time she gets a flier....mostly because I love looking through them myself and ordering.

And I recently realized that the books she doesn't select for purchase can usually be had at the public library. I just go online and reserve them at our local branch, instead of having to peruse the shelves myself, which can be difficult when G is knocking books down left and right in his attempt to annihilate the library. And if N doesn't like these, we aren't out anything except a little trip to the library to pick them up.

Of course, I am already thinking ahead to how I will budget book order purchases when both N and G are bringing them home from school. But, imagine: Multiple book club fliers! Yeeha!

Seriously, is it time for preschool to start?

Because I think N and I are both in need of a new routine.

A number of things have contributed to our shared funk, I think.
First, the pool doesn't open now until 3:30 pm, so it is pointless to even try to go since G is a late napper, and I have to fix dinner sometime.
Second, we don't have a tv in the living room anymore since the built-ins are still a work in progress. No doors, only primer. Thus, no entertainment on the main floor.
Third, I think I am tired of having her around all the time. (I thought I would never say this.)
Fourth, I think she is tired of being around me all the time.
Fifth, G makes it impossible to do lots of fun stuff we like to do, like shop or run errands. He is Mr. I Don't Wanna Be in a Shopping Cart, and If You Let Me Down I Will Destroy the Store.

So I have been biting my tongue lately because she has just been getting on my nerves.

I expect there will come a time when I will miss hearing her say, "Mom, watch this!" But most of the time when she says it and I watch her, I have no inkling what it is she is trying to impress me with. She' ll be doing something really subtle, like crossing her feet at the ankles, when I am expecting her hair to be set afire. Or she'll say, "Mom, watch," which could mean watch her, watch the tv, watch G do something, watch the cats. My strained patience can be heard in my voice as I ask, "Watch WHAAAAAT????"

And then there is her plaintive, "Mom, play with me." I am nearly 35 years old, so playing Alice in Wonderland or Ballet Class or Baby Daycare has very, very little appeal (especially when we are playing it for the 4,000,000th time). But I play with her anyway. Often, she seems to find me so boring that she ends up just wandering around, and I'm left wondering if we are still playing or if her putzing around is part of her game plan.

And then there is her attempt to have me do things with her that she sees me doing with G, which I find so annoying. She wants me to bounce her on my lap and sing "Giddye Up Horsey." Or she wants me to grab her legs and pull her across the bed, as I do with G to keep him from crawling off the bed. I feel like I am constantly saying, "N, you are too big to do this anymore" and "N, you're a big girl and mommy can't do that with you." I know she sees me playing with him and feels jealous and wants to be a part of something special with me, but she forgets the hour I play Alice or daycare or push her on the swingset when G naps. G rarely gets any time with just mommy without N horning in.

So I am ready for a change of pace. A new routine. A chance for us to be away from each other for a bit. We need some breathing room.

More preschool stewing

I don't know what is wrong with me.
Liar, Liar.
Correction: I do know what it wrong with me, but I don't like to admit what is wrong with me, particularly as it concerns my apprehensiveness concerning sending N to preschool.

It has nothing to do with her. Ok, maybe 10% has to do with her and whether I think she is "ready" for preschool. But the other whopping 90% has to do with my inability to relinquish control of care coupled with my denial that N is eventually going to grow up.

Lord knows, I don't want to be one of those mothers who baby their children to absolute death so that they live in the basement until they are 45 years old or simply move upstairs upon the demise of the parents. But I also don't want to push N into something if she isn't ready. Of course, given my emotional inability to get a grip, I am not the most objective judge of the things for which she is or isn't ready.

N and I have always been very attached to each other, and she seems to have become moreso in the last month or so. Maybe it stems from that walk with her neighborhood friends when she ran on ahead with them, and I stayed behind (thinking the kids would soon come back), and when she realized I wasn't there, she freaked out and ran like a crazy person all the way back crying, "I want my momma!" My poor friend A was running alongside N trying to calm her down and make sure she got back to me ok.

Or maybe it is because of the new baby coming?

Hell, I'm just going to do a pro and con list because my mind runs in circles when I try to even formulate actual sentences about what I'm thinking.

Pros of 2 day preschool:
1. N gets to experience being away from me and in the care of someone else who is not family (which may be initially difficult, but is a good thing for her.....and me....maybe especially me).

2. Especially with new baby coming, I will not be able for awhile to do alot of the things I currently do with her. At least preschool will give her more of a creative, fun outlet than what I'm going to be able to provide for a time.

3. Preschool may be a good big girl, big sister experience for her (as in, "Look what I can do that the baby can't.")

4. I will get some time alone with new baby.


Cons of 2 day preschool (and maybe this should just be worries about preschool, not really cons):
1. The timing will be bad especially with new baby soon coming. Will this be too much transition at once?

2. Will this be too much stress on me with having a new baby, as in getting my ass up and functioning enough to get N ready and going in the a.m.?

After talking to a number of friends and sitting on this post for a day or two, I have determined that the worst that can happen is that N doesn't adjust well and I have to pull her out (upon the recommendation of her teachers and the preschool director--despite my over-attachment to my kid, I would not make such a decision without it being recommended by someone who is experienced in preschool and sees how my kid reacts). And I guess, really, that isn't such a bad worst, and I am assuming the worst by thinking about the worst in general.

We might both actually adjust better than I ever would have expected. Snicker to self.