When D and I married and for numerous years afterwards, I fretted A LOT about money. I still fret about it, but the volume is down thanks to my medication.
Before D and I married and shared joint accounts for everything, I loved it when he bought me flowers and trinkets---before it became "my money too." After we shared our finances, I hated it when he spent $60 on flowers for me. What had been romantic and thoughtful when we were engaged became wasteful once we were married. I very quickly put the kibosh on buying impractical (though romantic and thoughtful) gifts....which I sometimes think was a dumb move.
I simply get more satisfaction, most of the time, from saving money than from spending it, especially on items that I quickly forget about once they are stashed in a closet like clothing, shoes, etc. If we spend money on the house, like our hardwood floor or our covered deck, I enjoy that spending more because in addition to enhancing our home's appearance, I see it constantly and we get daily use out of it. Because there is practical value in it, I appreciate it more.
I also value effort far more than I value spending money or the stuff that one can get with money. For example, if D walks into Kroger and purchases me a $5 bouquet of flowers it means far more than if he buys a $60 arrangement online. The online arrangement takes no effort on his part since he just sits there at his desk and opens a new browser as he's working. Since he hates to go into stores for any reason at all, it means more that he makes an effort to buy me a cheap flower arrangement after work at the grocery store. The money spent completely isn't the point in my book, nor are the flowers themselves.
With all that being said, there are some things that I would like to buy for myself if I would only do it. But I don't because I don't really need it.
Still there are times when other people might want to get something for me.....like at Christmas time...and they don't know what I'd like. And D, who as I mentioned really hates to shop or think of something I'd like, seems to appreciate me laying it out very, very obviously here on my blog.
So here are some things I would like but won't buy myself ever or for a very long time. Heck, I saw the Joan Didion book at Half-Price Books for $2 last week and didn't buy it for myself (I am sorta kicking myself for this!).
Books--
Some people and children don't think books are a great gift, but I heartily disagree!
1. The Family Fang by Kevin Wilson-- I heard about this book on NPR one day and thought it sounded interesting.
2. The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion
3. Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close by Jonathan Safran Foer
4. Freakonomics by Steven Levitt and Stephen Dubner
5. The Tipping Point by Malcolm Gladwell
6. Blink by Malcolm Gladwell
7. Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother by Amy Chua
Clothing--
1. Black or dark grey ankle-length boot-cut yoga pants. I have a pair of black ones that are fading and losing their elasticity at the waist and have some stains on the leg. But they don't have holes in them yet, so I can't justify buying myself a new pair.
2. Tissue paper blouses. I see these at Old Navy and like the feel. Anymore I have to dress in layers because dealing with the kids makes me hot. It can be 35 degrees outside but if I'm having to lug children and all the paraphernalia they require around, I am usually quite content to wear a lightweight long-sleeve top.
Hobby--
1. Pretty scrapbooking paper and stickers and notions. I love all different kinds of scrapbook paper, stickers, ribbons, etc. But I never have time to browse alone. And even if I do find time and can browse alone, I can always talk myself out of buying new stuff. A few years back my mom bought me some random pieces, and I was thrilled to have anything new.
I guess if there is anything good about being frugal and not buying for myself very often, it is that I am quite easy to please.
(Dear husband, please save this link for 2012 reference.)
1 comment:
I know what you mean about the flowers from Kroger meaning more to you than the ones he ordered online -- but it's the opposite for me. And it continues to amaze me how different you and I are in so many ways and how different our husbands are from each other. It's probably a very good thing that we didn't marry each other's husbands. I feel certain that there would be an implosion of some sort, since you and Dion are so alike in so many ways, and your D and I seem to have a lot in common in some personality areas.
Dion and I had a looooong talk about the flower dynamic a few years ago, as far as certain things meaning more because of the effort/intention behind them. I had been salivating over some gorgeous bouquets in a flyer we received in the mail. He scoffed at the prices, which were expensive, but not outrageous. And although we're not wealthy, we do have some wiggle room in the budget. I hinted that a one-time gift like this would just bowl me over with ecstasy.
A few weeks later, I came downstairs one evening to find a beautiful floral arrangement in my kitchen. Dion was so pleased with himself. I nearly burst into tears because it was so beautiful that I was just sure it was one from the catalog and that he had decided that if it meant that much to me, he would get me one, a true gesture of love.
But no. Come to find out, he had bought all of the components and put it together himself. And he had done a fine job, might I add. But despite the fact that he had gone to a lot of effort, suddenly it didn't mean as much to me, because while I thought he had put his own discomfort aside in order to give me something I wanted, instead it felt like he had cheated - that he had gotten his own way (not spending a wad of money) while making it appear as if I had received my heart's desire.
So, my point in telling this long story is to reiterate that I get that it's the level of sacrifice that makes a gift mean more -- D's going into a Kroger and buying a cheap bouquet when he hates stores, or Dion's squelching his frugal tendencies to splurge on an extravagant arrangement.
P.S. I hope you get lots of the items on your list, although it will probably make you uncomfortable if you receive more than two... ;-)
Post a Comment