What you think you want, and what you get

The problem with taking 2 naps during the day is that at 5:15 a.m. the next day one is wide awake and mulling over potential blog posts. So now at nearly 6:15 a.m., I am writing.

For some reason in the shower last night I began thinking about how in high school I really wanted to be voted "Most Likely to Succeed." That just seemed like the best superlative award possible, an award that would almost ensure one's success in life, or at least that is how I thought of it at 17 years old.

What I got was "Most Leadership." And, I admit, I was a little disappointed at the time.

In college, I received a monetary award my senior year for being what amounted to most distinguished student in the English department. What I wanted was to be voted most distinguished in the Economics department (I double majored). Again, a little disappointed.

So here it is some 20-odd years later, and in thinking about these awards, I have a totally different perspective.

Success to me at 17 is not the same as success to me at 36. I became a teacher and then a full-time mom, not an ob/gyn as I thought I might in senior year of high school. I've been on the board of my MOMS Club for 3 years and counting. And am I completing a doctoral dissertation on the theory of mercantilism? Nope, but I'm writing my little blog about my life and thoughts.

At this stage of my life, I know that what has gotten me "further" is having leadership skills and being astute in English, in writing.

I don't know if this is karma or god's grace or what....taking me to the "best" places for me.

And I recognize that life sometimes throws kinks in even the "best" places, the unexpected, the tragic. I know full well that I have somehow avoided these....although I would say I have been "threatened" by them or their potential and yet not had to cope with their full intensity.

I suppose maybe I'm thinking about what I thought I wanted and what I've gotten because of my two littlest ones being barely 2 years apart, which isn't the spacing I would have selected had the choice been handed to me. But like other things in my life, what I "got" actually made more sense and was not a disappointment once I got some perspective and wisdom and looked at them objectively.