Infant obituaries

Even when I don't have a newborn, I hate seeing obituaries for babies in the newspaper. (Yes, I read the obits. And, no, I am not 82-years-old as some people think you have to be to read the obits.)

This morning I saw that there was a 9-week-old baby girl who died, and that makes me so sad. And worried.

They never say whether the infant died of SIDS or some genetic disorder. Whether the baby had been in the children's hospital. Usually, they only say that it was an infant and don't give the specific age at all.

I'm certainly no fan of the newborn/early infant stage, and the threat of sudden death is one of the reasons (in addition to the sleepless nights, uncomfortable breastfeeding and general neediness of the wee babe). I feel much more relaxed as the baby moves towards that half-year mark.

I must admit, and I am a bit ashamed to say this because it seems like I am feeding on other people's misfortune, but even though reading the infant obituaries makes me worry, they also somehow put my mind slightly at ease. Because I know infant deaths are pretty rare, so my mind "reasons" that if I see that a baby has died, chances are better that my baby won't.

I don't dare delve into the psychological depths that would explain how reading infant obituaries makes me feel relieved and worried at the exact same time. There is, after all, a reason I am psychotropically medicated.