By the time I reached high school, I had figured out what real female friendship meant. This is not to say I was the world's best friend, but I think I was a decent friend, and I had a circle of friends who were loyal and good to me. I tried to be nice to everyone, for the most part.
As a momma, I am just discovering the challenges of helping a young girl navigate the wilds of girl friendship.
N has a little friend at school---I will call her "Bolt." I have seen "Bolt" a couple times. She seems quiet, but beyond that I can make no judgment about her. N talks about her frequently.
It was my understanding that when it is library day, N and "Bolt" take turns selecting a book. One week N picks, and they both check out that book. The next week "Bolt" picks, and then they both check out that particular book. Seems like a good system. So since yesterday was library day, I asked N if she picked the book this time.
It was at this point N starts talking about how "Bolt" won't let N pick and says that "Bolt" is the boss of her. WHAT THE FUCK???? The momma bear in me unfurled her claws.
Now making sense of a 5-year-old's description of anything is dicey, at best, so I'm not sure exactly what the "deal" is, but my skin prickled when she said "Bolt" is the boss of her. I calmly tried to tell her that good friends give their friends choices and let them be themselves, at which point she then tried to convince me that "Bolt" is a good friend.
Later, when D got home, I asked N to explain to him about the library book. He repeated the same thing I did, about good friends don't boss their friends around. We then explained that while we know "Bolt" is important to her, N is the most important thing to us, and we want her to be able to pick books she likes from the library.
I am hoping and praying that N, eventually, has the good sense to do what she knows is right for her and not let other kids boss her around.
But this episode has Momma Bear spazzing out on all levels. Worrying about her self-esteem. Worrying whether she'll allow other girls to dictate her likes and dislikes. And I'm worrying far beyond the realm of kindergarten.
My deep hope is that just as N does her own thing in terms of the crazy outfits she chooses to wear, she will do her own thing in her life. Make her own choices. Do what is right for her. Select whatever library book she wants to read.
1 comment:
There is nothing, absolutely nothing, that has brought out my claws like "mean girls" I have never tolerated in the classroom, but being a mother to a daughter has taken it to a whole new level.
I'm sure, you like me, are trying to raise the woman the girl will become. With this as my goal, I'm hoping to help my girls navigate what can be so very hard. Of course with my G, it also means trying to prevent her from becoming said "mean girl"
Susan
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