Disciplining toddlers

Here are the things I know for sure about raising and disciplining children:

1. You pick your battles because unless you do everything can become a battle.

2. You tap into unknown reserves of patience you didn't know you had.

3. Your monthly budget for alcohol increases tremendously.

Every so often I peruse a parenting book, searching for something to help me manage the newest "challenge" my kids throw at me. And what I find is that even if something sounds good, sounds like it would really work, if it doesn't jive with my inherent nature, I'm just not gonna do it.

For example, I am not a rewards person. I do not have the patience for stamps, stickers, suckers, or promises of what-nots from the Dollar Store. There are lots of parents, and by this I mean moms, who use charts and rewards to discipline their children or potty-train them. And while I've tried to do this, I am never consistent about it, and therein is the problem.

So what I've determined for myself is that I am ok with the parenting philosophy of, "They will do it when they are darn good and ready."

For example, I began introducing the "potty" concept to N when she was 2 and started becoming interested in the potty. I bought her a potty and let her sit on it in front of the tv or on the deck when we were outside. I asked my pediatrician when I should potty-train, and she said, "Don't bother until 3," and so I didn't. N was fairly quickly pee-pee potty-trained, but it took her until she was 4 to poop on the potty. I tried promises, bribes, whatever. But I inherently do not like the idea of bribing kids to do something they will do on their own in good time irregardless. Although I sometimes wondered, I knew she would not graduate from high school in pull-ups.

I did, however, get very sick of her pooping in her underpants. So eventually she and I came to an agreement. When she had to poop, I would put her in a pull-up, which meant she could do her business, and I wouldn't have to scrape poop out of her underpants. A win-win. And eventually, she did poop in the potty and never looked back. But our little "poop in the pull-up" arrangement saved both of us alot of headache.

I know parents who potty-train by taking their children to sit on the potty every 10 minutes. I can only speak for myself but I've got better things to do than visit the potty every 10 minutes for god knows how many months. But that is me and my choice.

Another thing I am not good at is demanding that G say he's sorry if he hits another kid. I think it is kinda dumb when parents ask a toddler to do this because we all know that toddlers are about this close to cavemen. They might say it, but they certainly don't mean it or understand it. And so my philosophy is to tell G that "we don't hit because it hurts." I ask him to give the other child a hug or something along those lines. But any attempt I might make to rationally explain the Golden Rule to G is a waste of oxygen.

I also don't subscribe to the notion that toddlers should "learn" that some things are off-limits, like the DVD player. I certainly don't want G screwing with everything in my house, but I also don't care to spend every waking moment of my life watching him like a hawk and fussing when he messes with my DVD player (or priceless vase or whatever). So I have made my home completely child-proof. If I don't want him destroying it, I have gotten it the hell out of his way. I have accepted that my house doesn't belong to me for the foreseeable future. And that is ok because I don't want the hassle of trying to keep him away from various untouchables.

I pick my battles....for my own sanity.

And so that is my advice for any parent of a toddler. Determine for yourself what you can and totally cannot tolerate. And then parent accordingly using ideas from books or friends or whatever.

Oh, and increase that booze budget.