I have been feeling an overwhelming sense of fury directed mainly at my husband, and I have come to the conclusion that it is time to move on. He hasn't done anything wrong, really. He does what probably 92% of all men do, and that is let their wives handle most everything related to the home and childcare.
As a stay-at-home mom, I accept that this is my job---handling the kids and home. But having a newborn makes this "job" a shitload harder. The nursing, the early morning wake-up calls, the near constant holding and doing the "settle baby down dance." With the holidays, it just means more and more and more for me to do (I am Santa, after all). So I'm buying and wrapping and sending and returning and writing.
I find myself thinking, "After 3 kids why doesn't D know to do x, y or z?" But the dumbest thing is that after 3 kids, I am still expecting D to have learned to it do x, y or z. He hasn't, he won't, and I am an idiot to think that this time it will be different. I am as bad as all those women who marry thinking their husband will change now that he has a ring on his left hand.
So I need to just accept that this is the way it is and get over it.
Easier said than done when I am upstairs cutting coupons, nursing, making N's lunch, and dusting simultaneously while D is downstairs playing an X-box game.
1 comment:
In my humble opinion, it seems like maybe you've let D get away with this behavior for too long, and he has come to think that it's the way it's supposed to be. There's no reason that he should have been playing Xbox when he could have easily lightened your load at that moment by making the lunch or dusting or at least being in the same room telling you jokes to entertain you.
To quote my own husband (speaking to me): "Stop being a martyr and just TELL me what you want help with." I used to do the same thing you do, letting things go and doing it all myself, until Dion got tired of my passive-aggressive behavior and hostile fuming. Then he finally began insisting that I either ask for his help directly or else (paraphrasing him this time) "stop acting like a big baby."
I know he's right. Nothing is to be gained by my letting him off the hook, while I truly need his help and he is perfectly capable of helping me. And perfectly willing, as long as he's asked and he's not expected to read my mind. Life has been a lot more peaceful at our house since I humbled myself and began asking for his help.
I heard one time that it gives people dignity to require things of them, and that has always stuck with me. I think when I don't require things of Dion (but just silently expect them instead), I'm robbing of him the dignity of being required to do his part.
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