Guilty as charged

Based on the guilt I'm feeling about what I did on Christmas Eve, I don't think it would be possible for me to kill someone or commit adultery.  I simply wouldn't be able to live with myself.  My conscience would eat me alive.

I know this because this minor sin I committed is bugging the hell outta me.

Ok, here it is.  I'll spill.

I took the kids to the family Christmas even though N had been running a fever.

I know, I know.  I shouldn't have.  I would want to poke the eyes out of someone else who did this.  I would want to say to them, "Why the fuck didn't you stay at home and not expose us to your germs????"

But the idea of my kids not being able to see my husband's family and open presents, especially after having not been able to see the same family members at Thanksgiving when N, G and M were all sick, just felt so unfair.  When N started feeling poorly on Wednesday afternoon, after overhearing me talk about what we would do Christmas Eve if she was still puny, she began crying and said, "Will I be able to go to Mamaw's?"

It broke my heart to think of her not being able to celebrate, even if she wasn't at 100%.  She was so, so excited for Christmas this year.

And I couldn't allow G to go with his Daddy while N and M and I stayed at home (since M has to stay close to the boobies at all times).  That would be really mean to do to a 5-year-old.  (With G waking up sickly on Christmas Day, this tactic wouldn't have worked anyway to save anyone from germs.)

So my selfishness is biting me in the butt because now I am worried to death and fretful that those who attended will come down with something brought over by N.

It's only a small bit of what I deserve.