I told D moments ago that I feel almost as low now as I did when I had my breakdown in 2004. N was diagnosed with strep on Saturday, and today M was diagnosed with RSV, which means G probably has RSV as well since he has similar symptoms. This is the cherry on the top of the illness cake we've been eating since mid-October.
Today has been a nonstop whine fest by the boys. Crying, fussy, clinging to mommy.
While driving to pick up M's prescription for his double ear infection I came to understand something I thought would go away if I had 3 kids....if I had some backups. I thought that I would eventually not fret as much about losing one of my kids. But the truth is I could have 10 kids, and the thought of losing any of them would send me over the edge.
All of this illness, coupled with the "normal" worries of an infant dying, has taken hold and is making me come slowly unglued.
All of the crying and whining and fussing has lodged itself in my head so that even when I am in the shower, the sounds of water rushing my ears, I still feel like I can hear them crying, whining and fussing.
But the thought of hearing silence sickens me at the core.
I am hoping for a reprieve. Soon.
2 comments:
I am so sorry to hear, Carrie. I hope that everyone starts to feel better soon and things return back to normal. I can only imagine how stressful this is on you.
Sending you many hugs and thinking of you.
Please take care of your mental health! Do whatever you have to do, no matter the cost, to make sure you DON'T crack! And let me know if I can do anything at all to help...
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