I have rethought the whole Black Friday thing after getting out this afternoon for a little bit to shop. My mom was over, so I thought I'd take advantage of G napping and Nana entertaining N to return the balls to Target, look for my bunco gift, and buy a used copy of Harry Potter III.
I forgot that tomorrow is Thanksgiving and that tons of people would be out. I like to think I have mostly moved beyond my misanthropic days of yore, but being around that many people in various stores makes me HATE HUMANITY!!!
My experience today made me think that someone, namely me, should create some Rules of Shopping during the Holiday Shopping Season that must be followed or will result in being shot on sight.
Here is the shortlist:
1. During peak shopping times, shoppers cannot bring extraneous people, including useless husbands, children of any age, or more than 1 other shopping friend. These folks glut up the aisles, looking stupid, looking at their feet, or looking too long at sales and chatting about what to purchase. Stores get too hot and stuffy, and these folks take up too much space and air.
2. Cell phones cannot be taken out of purses or coats, and CANNOT BE USED unless done so immediately outside the building. Today I listened to this lady yakking on her phone, wondering where the magnetic fishing board game for $4 was. I knew where it was....it was sold out. If ding-dong had gotten off the phone and opened her eyes, she would have seen the big honking sign that said, "Fish Game SOLD OUT." Because she was on the phone and wandering aimlessly as she chatted, she was another person glutting up the aisles.
3. Only very old people, handicapped people, and pregnant woman are allowed to park in the first 50 spaces nearest the stores. Everyone else has to park far away, get off their lazy butts and WALK. No idling the car waiting for someone to back out, thereby causing a gigantic traffic jam.
4. Anyone who doesn't know where they are going and crosses multiple lanes of traffic to get to a store will immediately be pulled over my the Shopping Police and thrown in jail until at least the 4th of July.
Today exasperated me so much I don't think my psyche can handle Black Friday. It's probably safest for others if I stay home. If I go out into the thick of it, I might end up doing all my purchases at a gun store.
1 comment:
I know it's now too late to make them effective for the biggest shopping weekend of the year, but maybe you could have these rules published in our newspaper's letter to the editor. It would save us all a lot of headaches for the rest of the Christmas season.
Oh, and add this related rule, please: Unless you have a small child buckled in a carseat with you or are in some way physically disabled, PARK YOUR CAR AND WALK INTO THE RESTAURANT INSTEAD OF CLOGGING UP THE DRIVE-THROUGH, YOU BIG BUNCH OF LAZY BUTTS! Seriously. I think I have a pretty sound reason for using a fast-food drive-through, what with little people I'd have to drag along with me. But most of the 10 people ahead of me in line? Just lone lazy bums who want to stay in the comfort of their cars and make the wait for my chicken sandwich interminably long...
Sorry. I don't have a lot of pet peeves. But this is definitely one of them. Thanks for giving me (?) this forum in which to vent. :-)
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