Oh thank heavens this daily blogging is at it's end. I have been boring myself to tears thinking about things to write. Mulling over the mundane and inconsequential. Finding this outlet all too easy to come by for my vitriol. I have discovered that when I blog every day, I allow things to fester because I am keeping them "fresh" for when I have time to post. Can't be healthy.
Early last week, I met a college friend for coffee. K and I hadn't seen each other in at least 14 years, I guess, but we reconnected on Facebook. We had a nice visit and discussed the very different paths our lives have taken. And our conversation got me wondering, "What if?"
I don't really have any regrets about what I have done or not done in my life. Most of the time I am pretty content with where I am and who I am. But when I am having a bad spell, when I am feeling testy, I start to wonder if I would make the same choices if I had it to do all over again. I guess I start to channel George Bailey.
Sometimes I wish I had lived on my own before settling down. Sometimes I wish I had been older when I married because I know for a fact I didn't have my head on straight at 24, when I walked down the aisle. That I didn't marry a complete wastoid of a human is probably a minor miracle. Sometimes I wish had known how much having my own family would mean to me. Sometimes I wish I would have stuck with the Honors Biology classes and really given pre-med a try.
I guess I would only make different choices if I had all the knowledge I have now at my fingertips. And you can't possibly know at 25 what you will be like, feel like and experience by the time you are age 35. And who's to say that even if right this second, at age 35, I thought I would make a different choice, that things might happen by the time I'm 45 that would make me reconsider that decision.
You do what you think is right, good for you, at the moment you are making the choice. You hope for the best. And you deal with whatever life throws you in the best way you know how.
When I have these moments of doubt, I have to remember that if I had made different choices, I wouldn't have the people in my life whom I adore. There are people who's lives have been better because of the me I am right now, with the experiences I have had, the choices I have made and not made. And that is worth something. That is what I have to remember when I am feeling testy and frustrated and thinking, "What if?"
That, and that the grass is always greener where a herd of cows has shat alot.
1 comment:
Good, thoughtful, post, including the last sentence. (Isn't that the second recent post that you've used the word "shat" in? Nice job!)
I'm not a big Oprah-quoter, but there's one thing she has repeated on her show that I like a lot, and she's actually quoting Maya Angelou when she says it. It's something to the effect of, "You do the best you can. And when you know better, you do better." I think that pretty much sums up what you're saying on this post!
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