I am definitely pro-breastfeeding, no doubt about it. But I would be lying if I said I wasn't sort of ready to see this ship sail.
Like life, breastfeeding has it's phases. At first it is profoundly difficult....or at least it was for me. Cracked nipples from hell....damned eczema-prone skin.
But then it gets much easier and is uber-convenient. No cleaning bottles, no mixing formula, no spending money on formula. Just take your boobs wherever you go and voila! Baby fed and happy.
Then it becomes difficult again when one's boobs are no longer the center of the baby's world--once the baby becomes interested in other stuff---tv, toys, siblings, noises, light. After spending so much time thinking, "Is this kid ever going to not want to nurse constantly?" you are amazed that you find yourself saying, "Would you just nurse already and quit dawdling?"
And then teeth enter the picture, which is normally fine until the baby is cutting new teeth. My boobs can tell teeth are coming in long before my conscious mind. There is more pulling and tugging involved. A more pronounced latching on.
M is 13 months old today, and of my 3 kids, he is still big on nursing. He even says "nurse," or his baby version of nurse....."urssss." He still nurses twice a night, and at least twice during the day. By 13 months, N had long since night-weaned (at age 4 weeks) and completely weaned by 12 months. G night-weaned around 10 months old and was totally weaned by 14 months.
Since M is my last baby, I sorta want to keep this nursing relationship going. It would be nice to make it 15 months just to be able to say to myself that I nursed each of my kids longer than the last (I'm a little self-competitive.) I continue to maintain my weight loss which is never a bad thing. And it is extremely sweet to watch M nurse, detach and then fall asleep snuggled up to my breast, with his hand resting softly against my skin. There is no greater comfort and security for a baby.
But it would also be nice to be able to go out with friends for dinner without fretting over nursing M to sleep before I go, and worrying that he will wake while I'm gone and D won't be able to settle him down because M wants to nurse. It would be nice to have a little bit of Carrie back.
I try to remind myself that this phase will pass, sooner rather than later.
3 comments:
Way to go on meeting your own personal goals! I was feeling similarly to you a few weeks ago and N is older, but most likely also our last. Then N wasn't feeling well last week and I was never so happy to be able to nurse, knowing it made her feel better and allowed me more sleep! So the good news is, it does ebb and flow and it will be over soon, and you will miss it.
Once again, the EXACT same thing I have been thinking, almost every day, for the last month. And K is only 7 months old!! But being my 4th, I'm ready to have my body back. But I know I'll miss it one day. So I'll live in the moment.
I wish the same to you!
Wow, this brings back all of my own mixed feelings about breastfeeding. It really is an emotional issue any way you look at it. For me, I truly can't say which was harder - weaning Bailey at 14 months when she didn't want to be weaned, or Audrey deciding she was finished at 11 months when I wasn't nearly ready for it to end. Jonah was the easiest, because he and I seemed to be in agreement that it was time, but it was still emotional, knowing he was my last.
Yep. No way around it. It's an emotional subject.
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