Since having N almost 6 years ago, I have had "issues" with weekends, primarily because in the world of a stay-at-home mom there is no weekend. D doesn't have to go to his day job on Saturdays and Sundays, but I still do.
There is no day of rest from the cooking, laundry, butt wiping, and other sundry mommy work.
Therefore, my panties usually get in a twist at least a couple times between Friday at 6:00 p.m. and Monday at 8:00 a.m.
Recently I have become aware of how much I harp on N during the weekends. I feel like I'm constantly saying, "N, please don't....." and "N, I asked you to stop doing....." And it finally dawned on me---now that she is in school full-time, she and D are the ones who upset my routine on the weekend.
I spend most of the week not being with her, so on the weekends I'm all out of sorts with her asking for stuff or whining or making demands. She's not being particularly difficult, or more difficult than at any other time, but I just don't know what to do with over 48 hours of her being around.
The other thing is that as an almost 6-year-old, I guess I have some expectations about what she should be able to do. Unfortunately, though, she has a serious case of the putzes. The lollygags. The dorking arounds. I don't imagine she is any different from other kids, and I think I expect more of her simply because she is so much older than G and M (which is unfair). She probably feels like I get on her more than G, which I do because he is 2, and I could say things to him all day long but as a relatively new 2-year-old, he just don't get it.
Today when G and M went down for their naps, she asked me to play Polly Pockets. Last weekend I played Barbies with her. Let me state that while I am "playing," D is in the basement with the Xbox, which is also called his time "unwinding." Let me also state that I find it very difficult to play pretend dolls for very long because.....well, because I am 36-years-old.
A part of me wants to tell N, "I will play Polly Pockets with you for 20 minutes, and then you can play by yourself for awhile (so mommy's brain cells can re-grow a bit)," but I feel stingy saying that. Stingy with my time. But when I don't put a time limit on it, I zone out and am not a very good playmate anyway because I know I'm gonna be playing Barbies for 2 hours.
I always ask N if she wants to read books, or do a Pixo project, or draw in her doodle book (things that I would find more enjoyable than playing dolls), but she always pooh-poohs these suggestions. And again, I feel like since it is her weekend, her "down-time," I should do what she wants to do. But at the same time, I feel like if I was a child playmate, I would say so if I didn't want to play dolls every time I played with N.
So all this rumbling around in my head makes me think it is gonna be a LONG ASS SUMMER if I don't get a strategy together. For over 2 months I will be out of my routine and lose whatever "me" time I get in the afternoons on the rare occasions that G and M nap simultaneously.
Therefore, I have decided to come up with an Activities Chart, listing all kinds of things N and I can do together both now on the weekends and in the summer. She can pick anything she wants, but she can't repeat an activity until 7 days have passed. So if she selects playing Barbies with me on a Monday, she has to pick another activity for the next 6 days, like painting, coloring, reading together, making cupcakes, playing card games, etc. Now she can play with her Barbies by herself as much as she wants, but we are going to rotate her activities with me.
Because otherwise my brain will be even more addled than it already is.
And I will find myself resenting my girl.
3 comments:
It's funny you mention this because I just said to my husband in a fit of disgust this morning that "weekends suck"....
I have a question for ya...you said a while back that your anxiety made you "forget things"....Have you "forgotten" your older kids' infancy? I look at pictures of my toddler when he was a baby and I don't "remember" those times....the sad thing is he's only 3! So it's not like it was that long ago! I mean I remember some things but it's like in a fog.....
I actually remember quite a bit from when my oldest was a baby primarily because I went through all my anxiety/nervous breakdown stuff then.
I clearly remember the day she learned to crawl because I had been at the ob's where they couldn't figure out I had a ductal yeast infection and said I might have to wean her, which made my anxiety go sky high. We came home, and N started crawling.
But there are plenty of things I forgot. Like when we just had our newest child, I remembered so much about having our 2nd child (2 years old). Had TOTALLY forgotten.
I think to some extent it is normal to forget things from our kids' infancy. Mother Nature is brilliant--if we remembered, we'd never have more kids.
I love the rotating activities idea. That should definitely save you a lot of headaches.
You need yourself a good dose of John Rosemond. Have you heard of him? He's a parenting "expert" who believes it's not in the child's best interest to spend a lot of time entertaining him/her. (He doesn't suggest neglecting them, of course, just not being their main playmates.) He emphasizes the importance of letting kids get bored so that they'll use their minds to come up with activities on their own. He's a real no-nonsense guy, not touchy-feely or overly sensitive, which is why I like him, I suppose. He sets me straight.
For summer, may I suggest getting into a routine that includes a rest time for N while the little ones nap? (In our house, rest time means choosing something to do quietly on your bed.) And may I also advocate roomtime, which has saved my sanity at the witching hour? During roomtime, the girls are confined to their room(s) (sometimes they choose to play together in one room), and Jonah is confined to the playpen -with lots of toys- in the living room. (I also push the playpen to the window, and he is highly entertained by the outdoor scenery.) I know you would have to let go of lots of your maternal guilt, but imagine what it would do for your relationship with N if you knew that all summer long - including weekends - you get two breaks from her a day?
(I should add that there was a good deal of resistance to this routine when I first instituted it. But now B and A like to anticipate what they're going to do during their rest time and roomtime, and Jonah puts his own toys in the playpen and runs to it when I tell him "It's playpen time!" It just took lots of patience on my part to get to this point, but it was totally worth it!)
Okay, I feel like I'm lecturing you, and I hope it isn't coming across that way. It's just that you're my friend, and I care about you, and we're in the same boat, and I want to offer whatever help to you that I can.
Oh, and as your friend, I also feel like I can/should ask these questions: 1) Why is it stingy to set a time limit to playing with N? I agree that she deserves downtime, but I don't think you should feel guilty for not giving her an unlimited amount of it.
And 2) If N deserves downtime, WHY DON'T YOU???? Take some time to yourself, Carrie. Ask D to walk away from his Xbox and play Polly Pockets with N while you lock yourself in your room and read a magazine. Or nap. Or stare at the ceiling. This is not selfish. It's putting on your own oxygen mask so that you're able to put them on your kids.
Okay. Lecture complete. There will be no quiz on this. I'll just be checking as time goes on to see if you're taking better care of yourself... ;-)
Post a Comment