Still, I find myself doubting myself, and so I pick up parenting books that friends recommend. Because there is always something for me to learn.
K mentioned the book Saving Childhood by Michael and Diane Medved. I have skimmed it, reading more deeply in certain areas than others. And overall I like the message---that we should do more to protect our children's innocence, to keep them children longer. Three of the things they suggest parents should do is provide security, encourage a sense of wonder, and instill optimism.
I think I am the type of parent who tries to do these things, although I probably let my kids watch too much tv and dvds....to the point that they completely lack imaginations. I have often worried about N's lack of imagination compared to other children. But I think that is more of a genetic thing than a tv thing because I was never terribly imaginative as a child, or as an adult for that matter. (In college my creative writing teacher more or less told me my ideas suck, but my writing is great.).
My biggest problem with this book was that it just made me feel inadequate, especially since the Medveds really talk a lot about the influence of the media.
For example, over Christmas break, N's Mamaw took her to see Alvin & the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel. Last week, I heard N singing, "If you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it." I asked where she heard it, and she said the movie. So I googled the song lyrics (since I personally live in freaking bubble), and found that it was a Beyonce song. I found the video on YouTube and let N watch it.
Now I have always loved dance, so I enjoyed watching Beyonce's video because of the beat and the dancing. Yes, the moves and outfits are a little "sexy," but it was great watching N dance, in her kindergarten flailing kind of way, to the song. And now she and G both are singing the song. There are few things funnier than one's 2-year-old son repeating the phrase, "All the single ladies" in his carseat and wobbling back and forth.
But I have been filled with self-doubt, wondering whether I am smashing my children's delicate and innocent sensibilities by allowing them to watch the Beyonce video on YouTube.
The second book was suggested by my friend C, and I looked to it because M is a crappy sleeper. I mean, he's not even 4-months-old but he certainly ain't falling into that category of "sleeping through the night." Not even close. So the book, Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Marc Weissbluth, sounded promising.
Unfortunately, Weissbluth talks about allowing a baby ages 4 months and up to cry themselves to sleep, and I simply cannot do that. I'd rather deal with being tired. Plus, he says that a nap of under an hour doesn't even count, which may be true. But some babies, including my son, take naps of under an hour. So since reading that, I have been stewing when M takes one of these micro-naps rather than just accepting that this just may be the way M sleeps right now.
I'm glad I'm an educated parent who reads parenting books, but I wish I could just read them, take the bits and pieces I like and want to try, and chuck the rest without feeling guilty or inadequate.
2 comments:
I was loaned Healthy Sleep Habits - Happy Child by a well meaning friend when Grace was little and not sleeping well at all. I just could not do it. I am much more of a Dr. Sears kind of girl. Having said that - Grace very rarely sleeps through the night without making an appearance in our bed in the middle of the night. We've chosen not to fight it. She climbs in between us and snuggles in. Like you, I know these moments of snuggles will one day be gone. I've decided to embrace those moments now.
Susan
Okay, a few comments, which will likely turn into a book:
1) NO, I don't think you're smashing your children's innocent sensibilities by letting them watch the Beyonce video. I've let my girls see that video, and I'm just about as conservative as they come regarding my kids' media intake. At age 5/6 and under, any sexual meanings and movements go totally over our kids' heads.
2) I hate that a book that I recommended made you feel inadequate! And I hope that you at least got a little benefit out of it, since I know your reading time is as limited as mine is, and I'd hate to think your time spent reading that book was completely wasted.
3) I had to laugh when you mentioned the Weissbluth book, because I credit the ideas and principles in that book for my 3 babies with excellent sleeping habits! Of course, it didn't take much crying-it-out for any of my kids, which could account for my willingness to keep using his plans. It could have been that I would have had good sleepers regardless of what book(s) I used.
4) Your comments about being an attachment parenting mom made me start thinking about an idea for a blog post of my own. The main idea would be that there are lots of ways to be a good mom. I think you're a good mom, and you follow attachment parenting philosophies. I think I'm a good mom, but many attachment parenting ideas don't mesh with my personality and my other favored parenting ideas. I have other friends who are good moms who parent by other philosophies and styles.
5) John Rosemond, the parenting author that I mentioned in another comment, ends his book "Parent Power" by stating that while he is known as a parenting expert, he gives his readers permission to toss out absolutely anything and everything he has said that they don't agree with. I love that! That's what I try to do, and that's what I hope you can do, too, Carrie, without any self-condemnation.
6) I think moms need to give each other a lot more leeway in the way they parent. One mom, in response to criticism regarding her spanking her son, replied, "Please don't tell me I shouldn't spank C until you have been C's mother." Every family, every mother, every child, is so very, very different, that I really don't see how anyone can state that there's one right way to be a parent. (Obviously, there are some outright WRONG ways, like abuse and humiliation, but I think that goes without saying.)
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