My idea of heaven

As a totally non-religious person, I don't know if there is a heaven, but if there is one, I have an idea of what I want it to be like.

Tonight, I was rocking M to sleep, holding him close in my arms, feeling his round little bottom and watching him suck on his pacifier.  And even though there are a million things I want to do to decompress from being with the kids all day, I felt the need to savor that time with him.  Because I can't recall the feel of rocking N or G to sleep.

I listen to G talk in his sweet 2-year-old voice, and I can't remember the sound of N's voice when she was his age.  In a couple years, I will listen to M's voice and not be able to recall the sound of G's.

So my heaven is to be able to re-feel all of these wonderful, delightful, cherished moments with my children.  To hear their childhood laughs and voices.  To smell their baby smells.  To touch their fat, wrinkly rolls of skin.  To feel their bodies against mine in nighttime embraces.

I want my senses to be able to live in these little moments forever.