Sunday, September 25, 2011

Especially special 4-year-old you

Dearest G,

When I was 37 weeks pregnant with you, I found out you were in the breech position.  What I had been lovingly rubbing and thinking was your rump was actually your noggin.  Despite attempts to turn you, you would have no part of it.  You were determined even then to forge your own path, to make the road a bit more of a challenge for your momma.  You have always been the boy who keeps me on my toes.

Ever since you began smiling, your face has always lit up.  You smile with your mouth, your cheeks, your eyes.  You radiate happiness when you are happy and can lift someone's mood instantly with your grin.  Fortunately you smiled alot as a baby, which helped distract me from the fact that you didn't sleep through the night with anything resembling regularity until you were 14 months old.

I feel like I don't remember much of your toddler time and that saddens me because that is my favorite stage of least as far as I know.  Sure I was unexpectedly pregnant with your brother and having to finish two college courses to renew my teaching certificate.  It makes sense that I remember very little of you as a toddler, but it doesn't make it any less heavy on my heart.

As I scroll through digital pictures, it is so evident that you are the middle child.  There are a zillion pictures of N as a baby and then doing all the firsts.....swim classes, preschool, kindergarten, field trips and so on.  And then there are your baby pictures, of which there are many.  But suddenly pictures of you slack off as M's baby pictures take up more hard drive space.  And what pictures there are of you after 2009 are also of your siblings.  Even though you sometimes say you don't want to go to preschool or speech class, these are opportunities and activities that are your own, and for that reason they are special.  They set you off as your own individual person away from the shadow of your sister and glow of your younger brother.  

Your third year was a doozy, and I hope to heaven you don't remember much of it as you get older.  I wasn't always or even often in top form as a mom when dealing with your three-ness coupled with the demands of two other children.  I have tried to remember that all the characteristics that have driven me half-bonkers about you, like your persistence and argumentativeness and mischievousness, will serve you well as you learn to control them, manipulate them to your advantage and use them in the adult world.  You are a highly intelligent little boy who amazes me with your attention to detail and the things you notice about the world.

I think it is so funny that when I found out I was carrying a boy all I worried about was handling the penis.  What to do with a penis???  And in truth, the penis is the least of my worries as your mom.  I worry about supporting you even though I don't fully understand how your mind works.  I worry about meeting your varied needs and instilling a knowledge in your heart that you are so deeply loved.

Sometimes before bed, I read through the journal I keep for you, where I write down all the cute and funny things you've said and done over the past 4 years and it makes me so happy to think back on your quirks that make you G.

* As a baby you'd stick your Soothie pacifier onto your thumb and suck your thumb & paci at the same time, and Daddy called it your thumb condom.
* You made snorting/congested noises all the time as a baby so I called you Snorty McSnort.
* When you started baby food, you would immediately suck your thumb after a bite since you couldn't figure out how to eat but could "suck" it down ok.
* You couldn't say N's name forever, so you called her Sissy for awhile.
* You called all vehicles "nana" for ever.  And a helicopter was "ca-ca-ca."
* "Baby Assho" is what you called Baby Einstein videos.
* Strawberries were "strawbabies."
* One of my all-time favorites is from Feb 2011 when the parkway near our home was being built and we had to sit in traffic.  You had just started getting a little into Star Wars and you said, "Maybe Star Wars will come & shoot the diggers and then we can go home."

In the past two months or so, I can see that the craziness of age three is starting to wear off.  You are more logical, more receptive to reason.  You can control your emotions in a way that you couldn't do in the spring.  I am eager to see what kind of 4-year-old boy you will be, to discover the things that will make your face light up in smiles and your eyes twinkle with wonder.

I have never shied away from a challenge, and so I think life or god or whatever it is that guides the universe knew that you would be a perfect first son and middle child for me.

Happy 4th Birthday my impish G!


1 comment:

Keri said...

Loved this post! And I'm glad that you're seeing more rational thinking out of him -- that makes life SO much easier, doesn't it?