Teaching middle schoolers and raising children--Part 1

My friend K and I have begun an online discussion of sorts about discipline.  She and I were both middle school teachers prior to being stay-at-home moms, and I think both of our experiences in the classroom have informed how we raise our kids.

I think I was a very good teacher considering I only did it four years.  My first year was a challenge, as it is for everyone, but I managed to develop an excellent relationship with my students overall.  Part of that was because I read and re-read Harry Wong's The First Days of School.  Whenever I get back to the classroom, it will be one of the first books I turn to as a refresher.

Wong stressed the importance of having a few rules (three to five) and many procedures and routines so kids knew exactly what was expected and exactly how to do it.  He stressed how critical it is to have high and positive expectations for students.  He stressed how critical it is to develop relationships with students.  Reading K's blog about discipline and relating it to her experience as a teacher had me up last night thinking about Wong's book and how I used its teachings in the classroom.

Although I never really considered it until now, I think I try to run my home the way I did my classroom.  In general, I have very few rules.  Probably the biggest rule I stress to my kids is to be respectful of self and others.  I will not tolerate disrespect (sassiness, eye-rolling, hitting, etc).  That doesn't mean my kids aren't disrespectful; it just means there are serious consequences when they behave inappropriately.

And I really try to keep our routines.  On school days, there is no tv before school for anyone (since it is distracting and keeps everyone from moving along with the day).  When N comes home from school at 4:40, she and G can have a snack but nothing after 5:00.  She can watch tv until D comes home at 6:15. but then the tv is off for the night.  We begin bedtime routine between 7:00-7:30---getting into pajamas, brushing teeth and reading books before bed.

I try to lay out my expectations prior to doing something with the kids, such as telling them in the parking lot that we are going to get the 5 things on my list, they must hold onto the grocery cart as we walk through the store (can't run ahead), and if they behave only then will we look at toys for 10 minutes.

I try to use logical consequences for their behavior, although this is sometimes difficult.  When N is sassy and uses a disrespectful tone, she cannot be around me or the family until she is able to speak appropriately.  If G throws a toy, it is taken away until he can play with it without throwing it.   I find that I often have to peruse another favorite book of mine, Love & Logic-Magic, for help on setting logical consequences for the kids' behaviors.

When I was a teacher, I had very few discipline problems because students knew I cared about them and wanted them to learn.  If they had gum, I wasn't going to make a big stink.  I'd just quietly ask them to ditch it.  If they forgot a pencil, I'd give them one or have them ask a friend.  If they paid attention and tried their best, they had my utmost respect, patience and encouragement.  There were many students who were royal shits for other teachers on my team, but who came into my classroom and did exactly what I asked of them.

I hope some of that is what happens in my home with my children.  Of course, it is a different story when it is your own children---different emotions, stronger bonds.  Plus, I am with my same kids all day and all night long, even on weekends, even during the summer, so I am not always at my best.  But I think my children feel loved and respected, and their behavior mostly shows that.