From the get-go, today was a pisser. G has a stuffy nose, so spent all morning whining and saying, "Nose tuffy," and wanting me to wipe it even though there was nothing to wipe. It was just all in his sinus cavity. D felt badly due to congestion although he did manage to attend Daddy & Doughnut Day with N at her school. My congestion was better, although my black psyche more than made up for any nasal improvements.
I remain riddled with anxiety over all the things I mentioned here the other day---the sore breasts from nursing (feeling like I am never gonna feel better), the incisional bulge that I'm gonna see the doctor about next week so I can stop worrying about what it is and just know what it is (and whether it will require another surgery), the shared cold amongst our family (and whether M will succumb).
I did get out alone to get my allergy shot and swing by Wal-Mart to get the kids' vitamins, but this was not a good idea. Despite being solo, I was still completely wiped out upon returning home. And tiredness coupled with anxiety are so not good bedfellows.
Coping with change, coping with discomfort, are things for which I do not have sufficient skills. I am floundering today, and that makes me feel hopeless and helpless. I am not above a toddler tantrum at the moment.
3 comments:
I'm so sorry.
I really hope you're able to get some rest over the weekend.
Hang in there.
Just keep swimming...just keep swimming.
You'll do it...time keeps on ticking,no matter how good/bad your days are. I still remember right after Michael was born, Andrew asked me where the tissues were, and when I couldn't immediately find them, I raged and screamed and threw things (!) because my house was so disorganized and I had no time or energy to do anything about it, and I was going to spend all our savings on boxes of tissues because I just couldn't find anything. When I stopped to take a breath, Andrew calmly looked at me and said, "You didn't get much sleep last night, did you, Mom."
Which made me feel really rotten, because obviously I was having tantrums a lot. But now he hardly remembers it, and I hardly remember it, and it just seems like a bad dream.
I hope your bad dream ends sooner rather than later...
Sometimes a temper tantrum is just what is needed. I've been known to throw a few myself.
I can't do much to help with some of these issues, but Brian and I would love to feed you guys one night. Brian can send it home with D. Is there a night that would be best for you? I'll even take menu requests!
Susan
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