I, however, was never, ever, ever the type of person who wanted my children spaced any less than 3 years apart.
While I can see the potential benefits of closer spacing, I am not that good of a multi-tasker. I cannot handle the notion of caring for two very young children even when I am at my best, let alone recovering from a c-section.
Hence the reason I am DREADING hubby's return to work on Monday. I think all day today has been one long stewfest, a worrypalooza anticipating just how shitty the next few months of my life (or longer) will be.
And this is a first because usually I am biting at the bit for hubby to get the fuck away from me and go back to his office. But this time, I just want to cry everytime I think about him driving away to the sanity and quiet of his job. For 8+ hours. While I am alone at home. With two young kids for most of the day. And then a 3rd one for an hour and a half. With sore breasts.
I know that what a person tells himself/herself has a deep impact on his/her ability to cope, but I cannot fathom that I even will be able to cope. My self-talk has been hedgy, along the lines of, "I don't know how I'm gonna do this." And that is what I would consider my "positive" self-talk at the moment.
My mother and MIL will be coming in clips next week to essentially babysit me.....so I don't start to become depressed because this, too, is my M.O. following childbirth. Especially if I am unable to get out. And all things considered---the surgery, all the cooties going around---I am beyond hesitant to get out even though I know I desperately will need to.
It appears I won't be needing to work on my acceptance speech for Super Mom of the Year.
Wuss Mom of the Year.....
I'm a fuckin shoe-in.
2 comments:
You'll be able to do it. Even if some moments of the day feel excruciatingly impossible. Just take it one moment at a time and take help when it's offered. Keep your head down, plow through, and give yourself permission to do it imperfectly. Sending you lots of good vibes!
Yes, you really do need my archives. You will do TEN TIMES better than me...but there will be days. Oh, there will be days. I remember a post of mine where someone told me to just keep quoting Nemo all day, "just keep swimming, just keep swimming"
Remember that everything is temporary. Your nipples will get better soon, G will get adjusted to the new normal soon, as will you. Just get through Monday. Please just do the minimum, though...there is a reason that Michael stopped gaining weight at one month old. I wasn't sleeping (he wouldn't ever ever lay down...not even in the bouncer...for the first few MONTHS), I wasn't eating (I was too busy trying to get food for everyone else), and I was totally stressed stressed stressed about getting things done and meeting everyones needs and totally full of guilt that my 18 month old effectively had no mother. When I went and was told I needed to supplement, I was devastated, but it gave me the motivation to slow the heck down and eat and drink lots of water and let the kids watch a ton of tv and eat take out every single night. Andrew watched a LOT of GSN that summer. And Lily? I don't even remember what the heck she did all day.
I've got to dig around and see if I have your phone number somewhere. Then again...I don't want to wake you up. So when you need a mommy-time-out call me.
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