After N's birth, I convinced myself I had breast cancer when, in fact, I had eczema of the nipple which cleared itself once I stopped nursing and got my anxiety under control. If anxiety can feel like a heart attack, you know it can do all sorts of other psychosomatic damage, including to one's mammaries.
After G's birth, I didn't freak too much about anything in particular, at least that I can recall. I do have a pre-cancerous patch on my arm that always, always starts to worry me following the birth of a child, so I'm sure I stewed a bit over it. I'm stewing over it at this moment as I write this.
Now with the birth of M and the H1N1 epidemic in full-swing, I am terrified that all three of my children will come down with it and at least one will die. Probably not M because he is getting all those good breastfeeding antibodies and white-blood cells. One of the other two. A thought that obviously makes my mind and heart seize up in paralysis.
Irrational? Perhaps, but that is how anxiety rolls......
There was a time I thought thinking like this was, dare I say it.....normal.......
I can tell myself that statistically, the pediatric deaths, given the widespread nature of this strain of flu, are miniscule. But that doesn't negate the fear.
So what to do?
At this juncture, nothing besides washing hands alot, and staying at home a lot (which I would do anyway given my surgery). And keep taking my Lexapro. And talking myself down from the ledge of panic. And call a therapist if things get too scary in my head. And get the frackin vaccine as soon as possible (because for me and my OCD, the benefits of a shot far outweigh any risks associated).
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