One of N's most annoying habits is the inability to play anything remotely interesting (in my opinion) for longer than 5 seconds. Doing an art/craft activity together lasts all of 2 minutes. She gives up or gets bored just as I'm getting interested. Running around the backyard playing soccer....after 63 seconds she is winded and tired.
When she wants to play Barbie castle and simply have her Barbies ring the doorbell and then be shoved through the front door, well this kind of fun lasts forever. I am bleary-eyed bored, begging her to do something else, but I try to give it at least 10-15 minutes (which is hard, I tell you).
I have come to the conclusion that I no longer meet her needs as a playmate, but she is stuck with me and I with her for the duration. When she was 2 and 3, the things I did were still novel. I could come up with fun ideas and she eagerly went along with them. And I only had her around. Bring on age 4 and baby brother, and mom has become BORING (and tired)!
Of course, friends her age don't always (or ever) meet her playing needs. She had a friend over on Thursday and N didn't seem to be satisfied with anything play-related then either. Her friend wanted to play Barbie castle, but N wasn't interested. Maybe it is because friends her age say "NO," while I usually go along with whatever goofy thing she wants to do out of sheer guilt and/or because I really don't care what preschool-type play/game we do (because I am a grown-up most of the time and wouldn't willingly do any of this stuff if my dear daughter wasn't asking).
Another thing I find frustrating is how she wants me to sit with her to watch kid shows (most of which I find dull because 1. I don't like tv, and 2. they are for children, and 3. after seeing them 45 trillion times, they just lose their charm even if they were funny or cute the first couple times.) But I sit with her and watch for a little bit. But after awhile I get my laptop and check my email, while sitting next to her on the couch.
Not good enough. She then leans on me, jabbing me with her elbows in an attempt to get my attention away from the email and onto either her or the tv (not sure which). I feel both aggravated and guilt-ridden. A part of me thinks, "Will you please stop touching me!!" and another part feels like cuddling her and giving her loads of attention because she is so ignored. I don't know if I will ever get over guilt for bringing her brother into the world and depriving her of my undivided attention. (Said with mostly sarcasm and a twinge of truth.)
I never thought I'd be ready for her to be in school full-time, but I think I am almost there. It just feels like what I provide for her in terms of interest isn't very interesting to her. And that makes me sad. Maybe it's just me or other stay-at-home moms, but I kinda got used to amply meeting all her needs. As a baby, her world revolved around me and my breasts. Eventually my breasts left the picture, and now the rest of me is leaving the picture. I know it is a good healthy thing, but it is a loss too, although a loss that is also, in some small way, a little bit of blessing because I get so, so tired of playing games that only other 4-year-olds would find fun.
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