It has been one week since D's vasectomy, and I have lingering feelings of sadness about it. But it is a small sadness. A twinge that comes and goes. Probably similar to the discomfort D feels in his nether-region. Twinges.
In a parallel universe, if D were a different type of guy, I could totally see myself saying in a couple of years, "Let's have a 4th baby." But it is this universe and under no circumstances does D want any more children.
And three children is really and truly quite enough for me. M is only just now, at 7 months old, starting to take regular naps for longer stretches, allowing me some quiet time during the week and one-on-one time with N on the weekends. I have missed my quiet time and my N time.
As much as I don't like to think about my children growing older, I know I don't want to stay in Babyland forever. I don't want to have baby paraphernalia all over my house or have to carry diapers until the end of days. I will not miss being spit-up on multiple times a day.
I want to be involved in my children's growing up, their school days, their extracurricular activities. And having an infant in tow makes that immensely more difficult.
Plus the practicalities of saving for college or paying for orthodontia. Everything is times 3, and that feels like an awful, awful lot.
So maybe my small sadness is over the end of an era, the end of a time of my life. M is still a baby, but these 7 months have passed faster than I ever could have expected them to. With each child, the first year has gone by ever more quickly.
I will, eventually, have to get my head around mothering older children and find the joy in that.
But I just so adore my littles.
2 comments:
Same boat over here. It's been almost 2 years since the big V, and I am really really glad he had it done. Because I would TOTALLY be pushing for another baby. And I just don't think that would be right for our family, since I can barely handle the 3 that I have, I hate being pregnant, and I really really enjoy spending time with each kid individually...which gets more difficult each time we add another.
But...no more babies???? I just have to convince Jeff to move me closer to our siblings so I can have nieces and nephews to cuddle as babies.
I'm right there with you. You've read plenty of my posts where I flip back and forth between those feelings of "Yeah! Let's all grow up now!" and "Boo hoo....I'll never buy another onesie!"
And actually, if I'm honest with myself, my pride sometimes mixes in there too, because whenever I hear that someone is a "Mother of Four," I start to feel a bit inferior, and I think, "Hey, I want to be a Mother of Four. That sounds way more impressive than Mother of Three."
In fact, we've tossed around the idea of adoption one day in the future, and I'll have to do some serious prayer and self-examination to make sure we don't end up adopting another child just so I can become a Mother of Four.
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