Momma-size hissy fit

Anyone want to guess what time it is?  Yep.  2:00 a.m.
Anyone want to guess how many times I've been up with children since going to bed a little before 11:00 p.m.?  3  (Twice with M; once with N)

I keep thinking about the movie Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood, specifically the scene where Vivi is helping one of her children who is vomiting.  And within 30 seconds, all 4 of her kids are yakking all over her and the bathroom.  Not too long after this, the scene cuts to her sitting catatonic in the kitchen, all doped up on nerve-pills.

I am so feeling Vivi Walker this week.  Oh hell, I've been feeling Vivi Walker since April 19th, when I had the first of 2 stomach bugs.  Since that date, in addition to me being ill, M has had a virus, G has had a virus, and N has had strep throat AND a virus.  Oh, and M has cut his top 2 teeth AND been working on flipping himself from his tummy to his back while sleeping.  That's a lot of sleep interruption on top of normal nursing-during-the-night sleep interruption.  That's a lot of contending with sicky-poos in 6 weeks' time.

It feels like October-December 2009 Redux.  And that sucked ass.

So I'm all full of the hissies which is making it hard to settle back down into sweet slumber.

I'm going to bitch, get some things off my chest because I'm the momma, and goddammit, I need to vent.  Often.
Especially when my weeks have been a nonstop sickfest.

Bitch #1:
Yesterday, I took N to the doctor.  Of course, her temperature was 97 degrees in the office (and now is 100.6 so another day home from school today, apparently).  I took M with us, but asked D to come home and watch G.

Because 12 days ago, when I had to take all 3 of them to the doctor with me when N had strep throat (and D was at his aunt's funeral) it was all I could do to keep G from destroying the office.  He was banging on shit, trying to type at the doctor's laptop, jumping onto and off of the scale, trying to climb onto the exam table.  I was holding M, attempting to keep him entertained, and trying to explain to the doctor what N's symptoms were/listen to what the doctor said.

I really didn't like asking D to come home from work, mostly because I know he feels put-out having to interrupt his workday.  I know this from the look on his face.  From the fact that he asked, "Can't you take a toy for him?"  From the fact that he has made occasional comments about me not being able to "handle" 3 kids whenever I've said anything about the challenge of taking all 3 of them anywhere.

And so I felt guilty.
But then I reminded myself that D has never taken all 3 of the kids anywhere.  Ever.  And he has only taken the 2 older ones to his mom's house, where he has his mom to help him.
And so then I felt guilty and pissed off.

Bitch #2:
I know I'm the mom, and I've dealt with gross stuff since conceiving my children.  From morning sickness dry-heaving to having my girly parts look like chopped meat from delivering to squeezing puss out of my c-section incision.  But it still irks the shit out of me to have my child cough directly into my face.

Bitch #3:
I am glad M is finally, FINALLY starting to attempt flipping himself from his tummy to his back because, for crying out loud, he is almost 8 months old.  But why do babies insist on trying to practice milestones when they are asleep????  Why aren't the daytime hours sufficient?  Why must they interrupt mom's sleep to eat AND attempt developmental feats?
(Note:  For those of you who think, "Carrie, you dumbass, go back to bed, I will have you know I just had to go up and help M settle back down.  So even if I had been able to fall back asleep after N woke me up, I would have slept for a mighty 20 minutes before being awakened again.)

I feel only slightly better having gotten some of my frustration out on my blog.  I'd like to think tomorrow....oh, I mean later today will be better, but I'm none too hopeful.  Because with N's fever up again, it means she will be home.  Feeling good enough to be bored out of her gourd, but feverish enough to warrant staying home.  And I'll have to drag all 3 kids to my psychiatrist appointment.....where I'll mention my anxiety of late.

Hmmmm, can't imagine what could be making me feel anxious and all out of sorts.