Mother's Day, 2010

N is spending the afternoon with her Mamaw and both boys are napping.  So I have a quiet moment to think about what it means to be a mom, which is going to be a ramble because, hell that's what mothering is.

I still, 6 years into this gig, cannot believe that I am responsible for the well-being of 3 little people.  I mean, shouldn't I have had to take a test or something?

My entire life I have had uber-high expectations for myself.  If I was going to do something, I had to do it right.  (Painting walls does not fall into this category, however).

And so having my children, especially my first, was a swift kick in the ass because a mom can do everything "right," but her kids are their own unique individuals.  They have their own needs, desires, strengths, weaknesses and quirks.  Children are going to do things their own way, in their own time, and this is sometimes in direct opposition to what a mother would consider the "right" way.

Time, therapy, medication, seeing my children develop into relatively happy little people (and not psycho  imps---although that may come in time) have helped me understand that I can only do so much as a mom.  The only thing that is even remotely near perfect in my mothering is my love for my kids.

Although I act like my husband is the most obtuse man on the planet, he knows me well, having gotten me a card that says the following:

Behind every great kid is a mom who's pretty sure she's screwing it up.

Success then!