I have this ability to get "discussions" going on FB, even when I didn't necessarily intend for that to happen. I'm not sure what that says about me. These discussions give me plenty of things to think about and ample fodder for blogging. They also sometimes give me anxiety because I stew over whether friends think I am a royal ass.
A recent discussion on FB has me thinking about how often I judge others and what types of activities, decisions, actions I make judgments about.
Everyone is judgmental to some degree; it is simply human nature. I'm not sure what the sociological purpose is.....make ourselves feel better, foster closeness among similar individuals??
So I have been thinking about what behaviors I judge and why. Lots of them concern parenting simply because that is my grind. I think I used to be a lot more judgmental prior to my meds. My tendency to obsess wouldn't allow me to make a judgment, say "Oh well. None of my biz," and then let it go. I'd hang onto the judgment, and it would fester.
Ok, so here are some choices I make judgments about--for better or worse:
1. Piercing babies' ears. (I tend to think it is a little wrong to subject a child to cosmetic pain before he or she can voice any kind of opinion other than a cry. I've learned that a cry generally means, "I don't like this shit.")
2. Circumcision of baby boys without being fully informed (like you should have to watch a video of what is done) of the procedure, its benefits and risks. (As in, doing it just so the boy will look like the daddy, which is sorta similar to #1.)
3. Rat-tail hair, especially when on children. (I'm sorry, but I just think this is a really awful hairstyle. I seriously have to question the mental capacity of anyone who thinks this coiffure is appealing.)
4. A mullet. (Same as above.)
4. A mullet. (Same as above.)
5. Allowing one's kids to drink soft drinks before the child is 5 years old. (I can't see any legitimate reason for giving a child a soft drink unless you are in the middle of a desert without any other source of liquid.)
6. Failure to spell correctly or follow the basic rules of grammar in email or on Facebook. And by this I mean it is difficult to gather meaning from the email or FB comment because it is such a linguistic mess. (It suggests to me that you "is dumb er jus laze.")
7. Posting jokes or negative comments about Hispanics on Facebook. (If you wouldn't dare type it about a Black person or a Jewish person, don't do it to Latinos. It still makes you prejudiced.)
8. Emailing political or religious email unless you are 99.9999% certain the intended readers are totally on board with whatever it is you are saying. (I never thought Barack Obama was the Antichrist, nor do I think Mexicans are the downfall of the US.)
9. Medical professionals who smoke and/or are grossly overweight. (I generally have a hard time correctly using the term ironic, but I think this might be it. How can patients take you seriously?)
10. Failure to breastfeed at all or giving up because it cramps one's style/takes too much time/doesn't allow one enough "down" time. (Breastmilk is priceless (in my book), and to not give it to your child because it's too much work/hassle suggests that you aren't really prepared for just how much work being a parent really is.)
11. Having multiple children with multiple partners or worse, not knowing which partner fathered one's child/children. (There are certain occasions when one should be a little judicious, and who thou screws should be one of those.)
12. Thinking Sarah Palin knows what she's talking about. (She has chutzpah and can work a crowd--I give her that. But she rarely makes a valid point and uses facts and/or evidence to back it up.)
13. Spanking. (It has the potential to escalate into something potentially dangerous and suggests to a child that it is ok to hit someone else I can think of nothing scarier for a child than the prospect of being hit by one's parents.)
I used to judge women who opted for drugs 20 seconds into their labor pains, but I don't anymore. (I just pat myself on the back for being induced and going natural--surely I'll get a blue ribbon in heaven for that.)
I used to be more judgmental about sending children to day care, but I've gotten over that too. I still think it is best when a child can be cared for by his or her mom or dad, but I know staying at home isn't in every parent's best interest. In my case, staying at home was more about what was best for me than for my kids. I wouldn't have been able to handle the guilt if I couldn't be with them.
So, yes, I am judgmental. I do judge people's choices about their children, but that doesn't correlate into I think they are bad parents. It means I value different things and would have chosen differently.
And on a personal level, I would never, ever try to make someone feel badly about a choice she made. Because I know most of us are just doing the best we can.
6. Failure to spell correctly or follow the basic rules of grammar in email or on Facebook. And by this I mean it is difficult to gather meaning from the email or FB comment because it is such a linguistic mess. (It suggests to me that you "is dumb er jus laze.")
7. Posting jokes or negative comments about Hispanics on Facebook. (If you wouldn't dare type it about a Black person or a Jewish person, don't do it to Latinos. It still makes you prejudiced.)
8. Emailing political or religious email unless you are 99.9999% certain the intended readers are totally on board with whatever it is you are saying. (I never thought Barack Obama was the Antichrist, nor do I think Mexicans are the downfall of the US.)
9. Medical professionals who smoke and/or are grossly overweight. (I generally have a hard time correctly using the term ironic, but I think this might be it. How can patients take you seriously?)
10. Failure to breastfeed at all or giving up because it cramps one's style/takes too much time/doesn't allow one enough "down" time. (Breastmilk is priceless (in my book), and to not give it to your child because it's too much work/hassle suggests that you aren't really prepared for just how much work being a parent really is.)
11. Having multiple children with multiple partners or worse, not knowing which partner fathered one's child/children. (There are certain occasions when one should be a little judicious, and who thou screws should be one of those.)
12. Thinking Sarah Palin knows what she's talking about. (She has chutzpah and can work a crowd--I give her that. But she rarely makes a valid point and uses facts and/or evidence to back it up.)
13. Spanking. (It has the potential to escalate into something potentially dangerous and suggests to a child that it is ok to hit someone else I can think of nothing scarier for a child than the prospect of being hit by one's parents.)
I used to judge women who opted for drugs 20 seconds into their labor pains, but I don't anymore. (I just pat myself on the back for being induced and going natural--surely I'll get a blue ribbon in heaven for that.)
I used to be more judgmental about sending children to day care, but I've gotten over that too. I still think it is best when a child can be cared for by his or her mom or dad, but I know staying at home isn't in every parent's best interest. In my case, staying at home was more about what was best for me than for my kids. I wouldn't have been able to handle the guilt if I couldn't be with them.
So, yes, I am judgmental. I do judge people's choices about their children, but that doesn't correlate into I think they are bad parents. It means I value different things and would have chosen differently.
And on a personal level, I would never, ever try to make someone feel badly about a choice she made. Because I know most of us are just doing the best we can.
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