No burning bridges or tying tubes

I have made the decision NOT to have my tubes tied when the baby is born in October, and I feel much relieved about my choice.

And, believe me, this is not because I want to have a 4th child. I will be totally and completely good with 3. Until I got pregnant with this baby, I have never felt any desire to move with life onto the next stages of my children's lives. I have wanted to cling to the here and now with every fiber of my being because, even though it is exhausting, young children are just full of love and curiosity and amazement. They give hugs freely, tell you they love you, and meet so many wonderful milestones. While the newborn, wormy stage isn't my favorite, there are so many things I adore about babyhood and toddlerhood and preschoolhood.

But this pregnancy has been tiring, and I can see that when this youngest child gets to be 5 or 6 years old, it will be nice to do "older kid" things with the entire family. Playing board games together or going on vacations to somewhere other than the beach.

Still, for me, I cannot commit to permanent sterility. I know, given my anxiety, that the entire time I'm on the table following the birth, I would be thinking, "Dear god, what if something happens to this baby?," rather than feeling the joy of having just given birth. I know how my brain works, and I don't want to sacrifice those feelings to worry. That worry, I'm afraid, would only worsen once baby and I returned home and settled into a routine. I have a hard enough time sleeping, I don't need to be up checking on breathing every 20 minutes.

So D will take care of the permanence after baby #3 is 6-9 months old. I figure my whoo-haa and other girly parts have had enough poking, prodding and torquing these past 6 years. They will simply never be the same. At least if hubby is snipped, he can be condom free forever. Well, forever as long as he is with me. And I won't have to be on the pill, which makes my libido die a slow painful death for as long as I choke down the tablets.

Assuming either of us ever has the energy to have sex again with 3 kids, it will be kinda weird to have unprotected sex without the worry of pregnancy. I can only go by my friends who say it is pretty great.