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Monday, April 28, 2008

Why I Don't Want a "Real" Job

I checked out the website Dooce.com after reading about it in the paper...the SAHM whose blog earns her about $40,000 a month from advertising. Niiiice.

She is definitely edgy and witty and irreverent. A part of me is slightly envious of her acerbic writing, her ability to create a really cool website, and mostly of the shitload of money she earns as a result of the previously mentioned things.

But I couldn't do that even if I had the skill. Because what I lack is the drive.

I guess my medication really works because even though I think I am still a Type A personality, I am now a type a and everything that being a lowercase letter connotes, at least as it concerns doing things other than mothering.

For example, I am a guinea pig in this market research project whereby I journal online and am visited periodically to give my opinions about parenting and products/services related to parenting. I earn some money from this, which is great, but it is totally a pain in the ass at times. Last week was my home visit, and I felt like a total shit working on the research stuff while my mom played with N and G in the other room.

On the rare occasions when I have gotten myself into some kind of "paid" employment since having N, however loose a commitment that might be, I am gung-ho until I have to do the work, which obviously requires me to spend time not doing housework or being mom. And then I get all mentally squirrelly...feeling guilty and just not wanting to do whatever it is I committed to do and for which I am getting paid.

I just don't think I can multi-task motherhood...maybe because for me motherhood is all the multi-tasking my brain can handle. Adding an additional "job" onto that job just makes my brain implode.

Some people think the gal who created Dooce.com is a shit for making money off writing about her hubby and kid. But she is no different from celebrities who make money off publishing pictures of their new babies in People mag. They are all a little insecure if you ask me....have some issues with being the center of attention. Whatever.

But damn. $40,000 a month?

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