Today was a milestone day for N. I wasn't expecting it. I wasn't prepared for it. It completely caught me off guard, and I nearly started hyperventilating when it happened.
She went up to her room alone to play alone and said, "Call me down when Daddy gets home."
This has never happened before, and it made me so sad. I nearly started crying as I was fixing dinner. I mean, I was really proud of her and excited for her because this seems like such a big kid thing to do....a good, healthy and normal big kid thing to do. But at the same time, I just felt weird and anxious and out of sorts inside. Thank goodness I have G because I think I was feeling something on the order of becoming obsolete. Like asking myself, "What is my role now? Am I not needed anymore?"
She has always played in the living room and, up until recently, wanted me close by, something which, at times, aggravated the heck outta me when I wanted to be getting work done elsewhere in the house. But lately she has been totally cool with me nursing G upstairs in his room (which I have to do otherwise he is too distracted by her and the tv and the light) and rocking him to sleep. And then all of a sudden, this "big girl playing in her room" event.
Am I weird? I'm wondering if I'm gonna need to check in with my therapist when kindergarten rolls around. Sheesh, if I can't handle her playing in her room without me, I don't think I'm gonna adjust to her being away from me for 7+ hours a day.
I hate it when my heart feels happy and joyful and scared and sad all at the same time.
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