Whine, bitch, moan

I really have nothing to whine, bitch or moan about in the big scheme of things.

We don't have debt problems. My kids are healthy. Nobody is stalking me. I have no history of being abused or victimized. I am overall a person who is satisfied with her life.

BUT.... there is plenty I can whine, bitch and moan about in the little scheme of things, so here goes:

• G-- did you not get the memo that babies your age might consider sleeping 5-6 consecutive hours on a regular basis? You are way fat, so I don't see that you need to nurse 2 times a night. And I know your teeth hurt but I simply cannot give you as much painkiller as you seem to need and want. I know you are a little man and therefore unable to tolerate even the slightest inkling of discomfort, but screaming from 3-5 a.m. about it only makes momma a wee bit pissy the next day.

• N-- if you are gonna stay up until nearly 9:00 pm anyway, then momma is gonna reinstitute the daytime nap because I am tired (see bullet above which explains why momma is so tired). And is it a 4-year-old thing that makes one suddenly become a Chatty Kathy doll? It is very cute and I am listening, but could you please stop saying, "Momma," before everything you say. "Momma, why is that man sitting there in his car? Momma, I think I'm gonna name my doll Cocoona. Momma, where are my sunglasses? Momma, I ate a carrot." Since we both know my name is Momma, there is really no need to repeat it so many times. I promise, I AM LISTENING.

• D-- I knew it would probably come to this but you are gonna have to choose between the Xbox and me because right now I am playing 2nd fiddle to a frickin piece of metal. May I remind you that I cook your dinner and wash your clothes and have given birth to your 2 children. And there are some needs you have that ain't gonna be filled that type of box.
  

Suffice it to say, everyone in this house is getting on my nerves right now.
Oh wait, I forgot 2 members of the household whom I never mention but who drive me bonkers as much as the other 3.

• Gonzo and Shanks-- It really pisses me off when G has been fed, N has been fed, and D has fed you guys once and then you meow and holler at me for food when I AM THE ONLY BEING IN THE HOUSE WHO HASN'T HAD ANY FOOD AT ALL! You guys knew you lost seniority when N came along, and now G has pushed you even further down my list. But this meowing, especially on the heels of a all-nighter with G, makes me wanna skin you. As D said "Cat, it's the other white meat."

There, I feel better already.