I try and will continue to try to keep a level head about grades as my children move through school. Sure, N is only in 2nd grade, but I have to think of my own life experiences as both a student and a teacher and try to dial down the "neurotic parent" part of me.
During early elementary, I didn't think a whit about grades. My grades were alright....mostly As and Bs, with maybe a C thrown in there. It wasn't until 7th and 8th grade that I remember becoming fanatical about getting As. Maybe this was when the OCD really kicked in? Maybe my focus on my grades was because I suffered so much socially that I wanted to grab control of something I felt I could control?
All through high school I worked ridiculously hard to get really high grades, and while I managed to get a small scholarship to college, I certainly didn't get anywhere near a full ride or even a half-ride (hell, my scholarship wasn't even a quarter-ride), which I thought good grades and being highly involved extracurricularly would get me.
Despite this, I continued to work ridiculously hard in college for high grades. I double-majored in English and Economics and graduated summa cum laude, which means my GPA was 3.90 or higher.
Bully for me, but my first job paid as an editor at an electronic publishing company paid $17,000.00 a year (in 1995). This was beans then, and it is even fewer beans now. My first full-time job after college was great because I could wear jeans to work, but it was also tedious and didn't challenge me in the least after the first 3 months. I stayed for 5 years to take advantage of tuition reimbursement benefits. (The company paid half of my Masters of Arts in Teaching.)
So even though I worked hard and got high grades, that did not translate into a grand salary or a satisfying career. It was a j.o.b.
I loved being a teacher, and even though a teacher's salary isn't high, I felt like I was making a zillion dollars a year compared to what I made as an editor. Plus I had loads of time off. And I loved what I was doing. And I was challenged every.single.day.
But from a teacher's perspective I saw (again) how pointless grades are.
I taught upper middle class kids whose parents read to them from early ages and ensured homework was completed and came to conferences (these kids were considered "advanced") and many of those kids got As. I also taught very poor kids whose parents never came to conferences and where not at grade level in reading and math and who, compared to the advanced kids, were SO FAR behind they would never catch up, and yet some of them managed to get As too.
So what did an A mean, then? For many kids, it meant that they turned in all their work on time (and if they botched it and I gave them an opportunity to redo it, they redid it correctly.) For many kids, it meant they took advantage of extra credit whenever it was offered at the end of the grading period. For some kids, it meant they redid and redid and redid writing assignments until they were actually fairly pretty good (given where they had started.)
I remember one student of mine who could barely read at all and his spelling was even worse. He was the sweetest kid, and he really desperately tried to do well. And I passed him because he always made an effort to redo his work and I thought this kid deserved something for effort. I didn't pass him with an A or a B or even a C (maybe a C- or D+). And I didn't feel guilty doing this because somehow some other teachers had passed him along so that he got to 6th grade unable to read. (I don't blame the teachers because often administrative policies play a role in kids getting passed along when everyone knows they absolutely should not.)
An A didn't necessarily mean a student was a genius or destined for greatness or whatever it is parents think an A (or an "O for outstanding" means).
Whenever I hear moms I know carry on about whether their child got an "O" or an "S," I just want to roll my eyes, maybe retch a little. I share with them some of my experiences to help them understand that a grade doesn't actually tell them as much about their child as they think it does.
I fervently hope that my children have what I think really matters in educational life.
*a true love of learning new things at every stage of their lives.
*a desire to keep at something even if they find it to be difficult.
*a love of reading whatever it is they like to read (even if other people think it doesn't "count" as literature).
And that their momma doesn't get bogged down by the absurdity that is grades.
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