Wednesday, February 9, 2011

What is going on??????

Now Pete and Ashley have split up??

In the last week I have learned about two real-to-me couples who have split up, and I am just saddened by all this bleak relationship news.

A lot of thoughts run through my head when couples head to splitsville.

*I wonder if this is how D and I might one day end up.

*I am reminded that other people's lives are just as ugly and messy and mundane as mine sometimes is, but we all do a fine job of covering.

*Even though I know fundamentally that both partners are to blame when a marriage breaks up, there seem to be situations when one person really did give up faster or seek solace elsewhere which makes them more culpable in my opinion.

*As much as I bemoaned as a teenager my parents' apparent lack of "romance," I have to say it was good preparation for the meat of marriage.  Getting sleep, getting paid, getting dinner on the table, getting kids to bed far, far outweigh getting it on most of the time.

*Picking one's battles is necessary in both child-rearing and marriage.

*Valentine's Day is a huge bucket of shit because one day does not a relationship make.

Or break.

When D and I were engaged, I kept a journal for him, filled with my thoughts about marrying him, snippets of articles on marriage, etc.  I found a cartoon once in which a mother is talking to her daughter about love and says...

"Marriage, Melanie, is not for the squeamish."
(as Melanie's father walks by fresh from the shower in a towel with paunch belly and balding head.)

News of breakups is a good time, though, for me to reflect on why I married D and why I stay married to D.  

Because I felt safe with him and felt secure that he would never hurt me. 
Because he liked the movie Orlando and other indie films.
Because he had an adventurous streak in him.
Because we share similar political and religious beliefs.
Because he hates sports, and I knew I'd never, ever have to watch Sunday Night Football again as long as we both should live.

1 comment:

Kelsey said...

I love that list you made - it is a nice tribute to your husband and your marriage.

I always feel sad when people split up (even though some people probably shouldn't be together) - I feel like it somehow makes the ground shakier underneath everyone. I know that isn't actually true, but that's how I imagine it sometimes.