Survival Mode

So I am able to keep everyone fed and relatively clean. That is about it.

Although I feel guilty not playing with N when G is sleeping because I am so tired and zonked (from every 2 hour nursing sessions at night), I simply don't have the energy to act and eliminate the guilt. And my brain is so fuzzy that the guilt doesn't bother me as much as it might normally.

N is going a little crazy, I think, from boredom. She has asked me to go to AAK to play. She even suggested going outside today to play. Now had I taken her up on any of these suggestions, she probably would have immediately gotten interested in watching the 5 DVDs I rented for her yesterday and been perfectly content to ignore me. Such is our relationship now. She turns me down when I want to play, and I turn her down when she wants to play. We are out of sync.

All G does is suck on my teats....constantly. With N, I adored breastfeeding. With G, I tolerate breastfeeding.

Tomorrow G is a month old. The month was a blur, and thank God for that because who wants to savor moments of anxiety, exhaustion and frustration. While I don't want him to grow up too fast, I will be excited when he sleeps even 4 hours at a stretch at night (at this point, N was sleeping 8 hours a night). I love my son but this wormy stage of babyhood really sucks.

N is patiently sitting here waiting for me to finish typing so she and I can look at the Disney Princess web page, so I'll be off.