Adsense

Friday, October 5, 2007

Mom to 2 Panic

I keep thinking of my friend B who for months after having her 2nd child would say she felt like she was flubbering around and couldn't understand how other women seemed to do it so flawlessly....or if not flawlessly, without being on the verge of a meltdown on a daily basis.

So I have written off from now until Dec 26 (3 months) as survival mode/damage control, but despite this I find myself stewing over how G screams to be nursed at exactly the time I want to read to N for her afternoon attempt at a nap (thereby resulting in no "N and mommy alone time" as well as a forfeited nap). And I find myself worrying about how N's brain is going to rot after watching Barbie as Rapunzel and the Care Bears Big Wish Movie non-stop from now until she starts kindergarten. There is a whole slew of other worries that have been roaming around my head since returning home from the hospital, but I am too tired to remember what they are.

I guess the good thing, if one can call it a good thing is that I have been a pretty crapola mom since January, really, when I first got pregnant. We had a good 15-week run there in the 2nd trimester, but the first 15 weeks I was sick on the couch and the last 9 weeks I was too tired and uncomfortable to do anything fun or useful. So the fact that I have no energy and aren't worth a darn is really no big change for N...and she hasn't turned into a stupid vegetable during this time frame.

Thus far I don't really worry too much about how G will fare, I guess because I figure he will be used to a much less attentive mom than what N experienced. I just feel like I'm boring her, or letting her down.

This too shall pass, right? Isn't that my saying for everything?

4 comments:

Keri said...

Hey there!

A belated congratulations on little G's arrival! I've been meaning to email, but...you know how it goes. And when I saw this link to your blog, I had to hop on over and check it out! I must say, reading your writing here in bloggy world is much like sitting across a table from you! ;-)

(Don't let your post-partum hormones get the best of you and make you take that the wrong way; it was a compliment!)

As a now one-year veteran of mom-to-2-hood, I was going to give you some advice anyway, so commenting on this post is as good a place as any to do so.

So...you're on the right track with writing off any productive activity for the rest of 2007. If you keep your expectations lower, you won't be tearing your hair out, like I did so often.

As for Norah and the TV? Don't worry about it! If letting her watch video after video keeps you sane, then you're doing her a favor. I was definitely a nicer person when I could use the TV to buy myself some quiet time. (I use the term "quiet" loosely, because we have on 20-minute Care Bear video that Bailey got right after Audrey was born, and it has to be the most annoying-sounding video ever. EVER. My heart does go out to you there, and I suggest you surreptitiously replace that one with something that doesn't sound like fingernails on a chalkboard.) Seriously, as much time as you've invested in that child, and as bright as she is, she's not going to be hurt by a few months of Extreme Video Watching.

Now, my number one piece of advice I've been giving to all new moms-to-2: Things will settle down. Right now, things probably feel like they're spinning out of control, everybody needs you at once, there's no semblance of schedule or structure to your life, your orderly home as you once knew it has disappeared.... I wish someone had told me, when Audrey was about 2 months old and I was experiencing all of the above, that things will NOT always be that way. If I had known that, I would have tried to relax and enjoy those early, fuzzy months with the little munchkin, instead of wringing my hands, wondering what I had gotten myself into, and whether equilibrium would ever return to my life.

By the time Audrey was...oh, about 4 months old, things had changed. She was in a routine. Bailey was in a new routine. I was in a new routine. My house was more under control. And things have done nothing but improve since then.

Sure, there are still days when I wonder why I thought I could handle 2 children when one or both of them are giving me a run for my money. But those days/moments are fairly few and far-between, and I always know that things will return to their normal peaceful state at some point, so I don't sweat it too much.

So, now that I've written an entire self-help book in your comments section, I'll sign off, just saying again, congratulations on your new cutie, hang in there, and ENJOY!

Love, Keri

Anonymous said...

Right with ya on this one!

Anonymous said...

Right with ya on this one!

Giselle said...

I'm a little late reading this, but I'm going to tell you what I think every time I put off Andrew or we lose quality time together.

If I had wanted Andrew to have the world revolve around him, I would never have had another child. One of the greatest life lessons a sibling can teach you is that you don't always get all the attention, you can't always get what you want and what you need. So, in essense, by skipping some reading time with N, you are actually preparing her for the "real" world. And it hurts you as a mom to do it much more than it hurts her.

Thinking of you! (and eventually, G. will sleep for longer and he will space his feedings out and you will get that time back with N.)