I started to write that I think I am a fairly patient mommy, but I'm really not so sure. I guess I am fairly patient when it comes to certain things and at certain times. Lord knows other moms have seen me snap N up into my arms and carry her off to the side for a quiet "chat" when I am at my rope's nearly frazzled end.
Partly I don't believe in telling or asking a kid the same thing 4 million times only to be ignored every time. I saw a dad at the pool the other day who must have said 15 times to his about 2-year-old son, "Now stop running. What did I tell you about running? I'm going to give you time out if you keep running." Maybe because my brain is so repetitive I notice repetition easily, but I thought to myself, "Why don't you pick him up and tell him if he runs 1 more time you will 1. make him sit on your lap for 10 minutes or 2. take his butt home."
Yes, neither of these options would be fun for dad but he either needs to give a real consequence or shut the heck up because his kid (and I) know he is totally bluffing. Little boy continues running around the pool because he knows dad either isn't going to really do anything about it or if he does it is going to be about the 34th time, not the 1st time. (And why waste 33 good laps around the baby pool???)
So anyway, this is kinda what I do with N. I don't always succeed as much as I'd like, but I try to only give 1 warning and then follow through. Once I think she has heard me say what behavior I expect, consequence comes immediately after violation...no warnings. I don't know if this is right or the best way, but it seems to me a lot of life doesn't give you 34 warnings. I don't pay my bills late because I don't want to know how many warnings I may or may not get before my electricity is turned off. I don't drive like a crazy person because a police officer may not just let me go with a warning.
But yesterday tested me. We had gone to the library and then headed to Wal-Mart. Prior to going to the store, I told N that if she was well-behaved and let mommy get what I needed (which was like 5 things), then she could look around the toy department. This is our usual procedure, so I didn't expect anything to go haywire.
We got to the floor cleaning products, and I picked up some Pine-Sol. N said, "Mommy, we have to get the man," meaning Mr. Clean. I didn't have any coupons for these items, and Pine-Sol was cheaper so I explained this to her and said I might get the man next time, but this time I was getting something different. Maybe there was an open bottle of ammonia around that fried her little brain but she started hitting me on the forearms and yelling at me that we forgot to get the man. And she continued to do this as I walked down this aisle and onto another aisle, in a futile attempt to get the last 3 things I needed.
One thing I cannot tolerate is being hit by my kid. At home, she gets put in her room for a time-out instantaneously, but I didn't have that option in the middle of Wal-Mart. I told her she had obviously lost out on seeing the toys, which only made her head spin around even faster. I grabbed her arms and told her to stop hitting, which of course she didn't do. So I quickly paid for my items and left. But the rest of the day I didn't like that little shit one bit---(and felt guilty about not being able to let my anger go.)
I hate experiences like that....when she is out of control and makes me feel out of control, even though I imagine I handled it in as best a way I could given where we were. And I hate it when well-meaning Wal-Mart workers come over and give my crying child stickers to make them stop crying. Butt the heck out, PLEASE! My child should be crying because she has lost the privilege of looking through the toys and is being forced to leave the store and knows she is NOT on mommy's good side right now. I don't care if her crying makes you uncomfortable. I don't like it myself but she is being disciplined, thank you very much.
Anyway, it was just one of those "I really don't know what I'm doing as a parent" days, which then morphed into, "Given that I don't know what I'm doing with 1 child, why am I having another child?" days. I have never wanted a mixed drink so badly in my life.
2 comments:
You are not alone. B and I both had bad days today. I am an intensely stubborn person and so is he, which makes for some interesting late afternoons, esp when Daddy kept him up til 10 the night before (after drinking a grape slush to boot) when he is usually in bed by 7!
Anyway, I hated and felt guilty for 1/2 the crap that I did and said today in response to his cranky back talking 4 yr old self. I don't like to admit fault (to anyone!), but I did apoligize to him today for raising my voice. At bedtime (6:30pm) we both fell asleep in his little twin bed.
Motherhood makes me feel guilty sometimes, but there's always tomorrow, for them and for us. Thank God.
I can so relate to your Walmart experience. I had my own Walmart experience a couple days ago - in the Walmart Supermarket. The girls had behaved fairly well for the 30 minutes or so it took me to get the groceries in the cart, but then in the check-out line some evil spirit came over both of them simultaneously. I swear I have never been so embarrassed. Ally was jumping up and down screaming in the bag of the cart while Savannah was screaming from the front. And once they had everybody's attention (or that is what it felt like) Savannah started pulling my hair!!
I was so angry I actually cried all the way home. Good thing TH was home to help me dole out the punishment. I think we all have those "what the heck am I doing being a parent days". I'm sure I still have more to live through but OMG I hope it isn't in the very near future :)
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