More preschool stewing

I don't know what is wrong with me.
Liar, Liar.
Correction: I do know what it wrong with me, but I don't like to admit what is wrong with me, particularly as it concerns my apprehensiveness concerning sending N to preschool.

It has nothing to do with her. Ok, maybe 10% has to do with her and whether I think she is "ready" for preschool. But the other whopping 90% has to do with my inability to relinquish control of care coupled with my denial that N is eventually going to grow up.

Lord knows, I don't want to be one of those mothers who baby their children to absolute death so that they live in the basement until they are 45 years old or simply move upstairs upon the demise of the parents. But I also don't want to push N into something if she isn't ready. Of course, given my emotional inability to get a grip, I am not the most objective judge of the things for which she is or isn't ready.

N and I have always been very attached to each other, and she seems to have become moreso in the last month or so. Maybe it stems from that walk with her neighborhood friends when she ran on ahead with them, and I stayed behind (thinking the kids would soon come back), and when she realized I wasn't there, she freaked out and ran like a crazy person all the way back crying, "I want my momma!" My poor friend A was running alongside N trying to calm her down and make sure she got back to me ok.

Or maybe it is because of the new baby coming?

Hell, I'm just going to do a pro and con list because my mind runs in circles when I try to even formulate actual sentences about what I'm thinking.

Pros of 2 day preschool:
1. N gets to experience being away from me and in the care of someone else who is not family (which may be initially difficult, but is a good thing for her.....and me....maybe especially me).

2. Especially with new baby coming, I will not be able for awhile to do alot of the things I currently do with her. At least preschool will give her more of a creative, fun outlet than what I'm going to be able to provide for a time.

3. Preschool may be a good big girl, big sister experience for her (as in, "Look what I can do that the baby can't.")

4. I will get some time alone with new baby.


Cons of 2 day preschool (and maybe this should just be worries about preschool, not really cons):
1. The timing will be bad especially with new baby soon coming. Will this be too much transition at once?

2. Will this be too much stress on me with having a new baby, as in getting my ass up and functioning enough to get N ready and going in the a.m.?

After talking to a number of friends and sitting on this post for a day or two, I have determined that the worst that can happen is that N doesn't adjust well and I have to pull her out (upon the recommendation of her teachers and the preschool director--despite my over-attachment to my kid, I would not make such a decision without it being recommended by someone who is experienced in preschool and sees how my kid reacts). And I guess, really, that isn't such a bad worst, and I am assuming the worst by thinking about the worst in general.

We might both actually adjust better than I ever would have expected. Snicker to self.