I want an Oompa Loompa. I want you to get me an Oompa Loompa right away.

It happened suddenly. Veruca Salt moved into my home. A child who physically looks like N is still around, but in attitude and spirit she is totally Veruca. Her favorite phrase is, "I want it NOW!" And this statement is never just uttered once. It is a barrage that grates on every last nerve cell in my body.

There is a lot of kid stuff I can tolerate. Noisemakers don't phase me. N running around our house squealing has no effect on me. But being told ad nauseum, "I want to go to L's house NOW!" really pushes my frickin' buttons.

I understand she wants what she wants. I want what I want. And I don't have a heck of a lot more patience than my kid, so I appreciate the challenges of being patient. But damn, I hate the snide little snotty tone that goes with what she says.

And I know she is just pushing the boundaries, discovering how far she can push me before I nip it in the bud (which ain't too far). There are some behaviors I accept, some I can tolerate, and some that will make me go ape-shit on her ass. My basic premise is if it hurts N or it is hurtful to others (that whole Golden Rule thing), then we are not having any part of it. Being demanding and disrespectful to others, namely me, (and making herself look like a spoiled brat in the process) falls into the "violates the Golden Rule" category.

I am, fortunately, a really stubborn person, but it is often hard to not just give into her demands. Today we were getting ready to go with our neighborhood playgroup to see a theatre performance. N was dressed and ready to go. I was packing up the car and brought in some Ariel clothes my friend is letting N borrow and set them on the table.

Of course, N instantly noticed and started whining, "I want to try the Ariel dress on NOW!" Over and over and over. Now I probably had enough time I could have stripped her down and let her try it on, but I knew if I put it on her I'd never get it off. And the bottom line is I didn't want to mess with it 10 minutes before leaving the house. So I told her that she could try it on as soon as we returned home.

Well, that clearly didn't jive with N's plans, so her volume and snotty tone increased. A good minute of that and I said, "I'm giving the clothes back to L since you won't stop asking me to try it on. I said you can try it on when we return home, but since you are not listening and not being patient, you don't get to keep them. " And I put the clothes in the front seat of the car with every intention of giving them back. Well, she quieted down and said, "I'm cooperating."

And so I didn't give them back to L, which in a way makes me feel like I caved, although really I guess it was a truce because N stopped whining and being disrespectful (my win) and she gets to still borrow the clothes (her win).

I know if I make a threat I have to be willing to enforce it. If I threaten to toss the jelly beans in the trash if she gets one without asking, I have to be willing to throw them out. And I am. But no parent likes to see his/her kid upset. It is far easier to give in than to tolerate the crying and moaning and other not-fun behaviors.

But I don't want my kid acting like this at 15 or 20 or 40 years of age. I don't want N to treat me like a doormat. I want her to understand that my love is abundant and overflowing, but my respect and trust are earned (as they are with others). I want her to know that we might have differences, but we will be civilized to each other...well, as much as a 3-year-0ld can be civilized.

And I have to remind myself that this is an ongoing process. There will be different versions of this testing and pushing for years to come. I only hope I can hold out that long.