Saturday, December 17, 2011

My children smell like butt

Children are gross.  It starts with meconium and goes downhill from there.

I doubt I would be able to function as a mom of three if it weren't for my Lexapro.  There is only so much yuck a person with OCD who has germ issues can handle.  When N was younger, if she pooped in the tub I had to break out the bleach, scald my hands in hot water and actively work to convince myself that the tub was clean and she wouldn't contract some freaky poop-related illness.

Now, either my medication has really built up in my system or I've built up my tolerance to poop or I'm too darn busy to worry about it much.  When I have to flip G's poops, if some poop residue gets on my hands, I wash 'em well and go about my day.  When I've got me, G and M crammed into a restroom stall and G has to completely disrobe to pee on the potty (since he sits) and M is crawling all over the floor, I wash their hands when we're all done and don't think much about the nasty fecal microbes that spray out all over the floor whenever the toilets flush.

G and M are definitely gross with the fondling of the penises and whatnot, but I am a little amazed at how disgusting N still is.  I thought an almost 8-year-old would be a little more hygienic, and maybe other kids are, but not her.

She never flushes the toilet.  I don't have a problem with, "If it's yellow, let it mellow," but daggonit, I firmly believe in, "If it's brown, flush it down."  And she does not.  Ever.  Flush.  It.  Down.   She swears that she wipes, but I never see toilet paper.   I think I would recognize toilet paper (unless it has been sitting in an unflushed toilet so long it completely dissipates).

To make matters worse and amp up the gross factor, she is a terribly inconsistent hand-washer.
The cherry on top of everything is she farts alot.

G and M smell like butt all the time because they both still do the deed in their shorts.

Hence, the butt smell that emanates from my children.

I admit that I am not real regular about giving the kids baths.  When I only had 1 child, giving a bath was a way to break up the day, give us something different to do.  Bathing two children is slightly more involved.  Three children makes bath time a 2-hour activity that always involves a change of clothes---and I'm talking about myself here.  It is a headache enough wrestling children into and out of their regular clothes on a daily basis, plus diaper changes and flipping poop out of underwear.  Up until recently I've been of the mindset that, "The kids get a bath once a week whether they need it or not."  What's good enough for the pioneers has been good enough for me.

But with Stinky Sue, I'm finding that a once a week bath is not cutting it.

Between my cats and their inability to cover their stuff in the litterbox and my kids, I think the smell of unseemly fecal material has permanently invaded my nasal passages.  


Anonymous said...

No surprise that they smell if you really bathe as you say. N is old enough to take a shower on her own, and should. The boys can take a bath together or make D do it.

Anonymous said...

Don't worry about the above comment by a different "anonymous!" I think a good cleansing with wipes will take care of the boys between their weekly bath. N is probably old enough to start showering on her own, but once my girls got old enough to do it they would still shower only weekly -- I would stick my hands in thru a crack in the shower curtain to help with shampoo/conditioner until they got the hang of it. Then around age ten or so when hormones started to kick in their hair would need more frequent washes from oils and stuff so they moved up to 2/3 times a week. Caveat with girls, however: mine would get red and chafed in their private regions from inadequate wiping after peeing/pooping when they were younger, so I institued a quick nighttime cleanse with some wet wipes and an application of ointment/powder as needed between baths/showers. I remember my mother hoisting me over the bathroom sink and washing my privates between baths. ... Whatever works for you and family is the way to go!

Anonymous said...

Bathing your kids only once a week is gross, especially for those who have hygiene issues with peeing and pooping. With all the ocd issues you say you have, your kids only get washed one time per week? no wonder they smell.

Anonymous said...

Get over yourself,anonymous #1, you're just being nasty and judgemental. There is no scientific evidence that says we need to bathe at certain frequences. In fact, pediatricians agree that too-frequent bathing is just harsh on the skin and unnecessary, especially for younger kids whose skin isn't producing much natural oils yet. And if you could sniff your own butt at the end of your day, I'm sure you wouldn't find it smelling like roses, either.

And Carrie, I saw your recent post about people hiding behind anynymity, and, while I totally get you and agree, I have personal reasons for not using my name but I just got so fired up by the first comment that I felt the need to reply. I'm the "anonymous" commenter #2, and, in this case I'm just leaving a note on your front porch letting you know your potted plants are lovely and make my day every time I drive by!

CARRIE said...

Thank you Anonymous #2 (and #4). I appreciate your kindness. As I said, my issue is only with people who choose to remain anonymous and think it gives them license to be rude and jerky. Life is hard enough without saying every comment that pops into our heads towards or in person. If someone wants to do that, they should start their own blog. ;)

Shelby said...

If your kids smell, it has nothing to do with bathing frequency. My kids bathe daily (because they want to) and my house always smells like poop. :)

Annie showers every other day and washes her hair. I insititute that rule because now that she has started puberty, her hair gets greasy and yucky. So, if we have been hanging out at home all day and she took a shower the day before...she can skip that night.

Meg bathes every single stinkin' day! She is a bath nut! I swear our water bill is higher because of her girly need for a bubble bath and hair washing each and every day.

Lily and Noah usually get a bath every day because they need it. Lily is still not night trained and is a heavy wetter. So, if she skips bath one day then I swear I can smell urine (hubby tells me I am crazy). Noah is just gross in general so he NEEDS a bath each night. :)

Claire, she gets a bath or two a week. She doesn't do anything except eat, sleep and poop so she doesn't get too stinky. I figure she gets her bottom wiped down several times a day so she is good to go. :)

I have read that bathing every single day is hard on the skin. I know that to be true. Annie has eczema and when she was younger we only bathed her two or three times a week because any more frequently and her skin would suffer.

I say ignore the anonymous comments that are mean and keep on smilin'. :)

Anonymous said...

This was so well written -it gave me a much needed laugh!

Keri said...

The war of words between the two Anonymouses (that looks weird) was certainly entertaining.

Pros and cons of daily bathing aside, I think it's great that you've come so far with your OCD issues that you no longer feel the need to bathe your kids until they're squeaky all the time. That's a true sign of healing and progress, so bravo!

I'm not siding with the snarky Anon #1/3, but I was also going to suggest that you teach N how to take a shower by herself (or mostly by herself). I know that since Bailey started doing that about six months ago, it has really made a difference in how I feel when bath night rolls around (for us, it's typically every 3 days, except that due to their allergies, they get more frequent baths during spring, summer and fall). Anyway, it's nice to say, "Bailey, go take a shower," and know that once I take her bath towel off the high hook for her, my job is done. Just something to think about to ease your work load.....