It if funny that 12 years ago I didn't know if I even wanted any children. And now I have three.
At the time, one of the main reasons I had for not wanting children was the permanence of it. I knew that the commitment of having a child is forever. Having a child would also bind me forever with D....even if we split up. We would always share a child.
And if there is one theme that I find runs through my life it is choice. It is part of the reason I am such a saver---I want the freedom/choices that come with financial stability. It is part of the reason I double-majored---to give me more options. It is why I renewed my teaching certificate this year---so I have options (to go back to work should I ever need to or want to). It is partly why I opted not to have my tubes tied.
I like to keep my options open. Even when I know I don't want any of the options being offered.
Yesterday, D met the urologist and gave consent for a vasectomy (to be scheduled within a month or so). He said he got light-headed and panicky while watching the video they showed him of the procedure. I felt the same way when reading through his consent paperwork due to the permanence of the surgery.
And it's not that I want more children. I am done having babies. I feel like I will be ready to move onto the next stages of my children's lives. The Duggars can stay in Babyland forever if they like, but I believe I need to see other attractions.
But somehow when an option is taken away, it makes me uneasy. Though not uneasy enough not to move forward.
1 comment:
Sounds like this is a sound decision for your family. Like you, I like to keep my options open as well. I can certainly see your rationale for so much that you mentioned here.
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