G is sick. It is an upper respiratory thing...a bitch of a cold, and therefore no biggie....but I haven't gotten decent sleep since Monday night (and even that wasn't uninterrupted sleep...just less interrupted than the past 3 nights). I'm talking every hour or so awake with a crying baby. Worse than newborn stuff.
So in addition to feeling my normal "down" feelings when a kid is sick (I have noticed I don't get as down when N gets sick since she is older and can at least tell me what hurts), I am also having some OCD/GAD issues from sleep deprivation. Yesterday while rocking G, I began fretting over whether he will live and thinking how I would feel at his funeral. Insane stuff, I know, but this is where my mind goes when deep lack of sleep sets in. Something about tending to a sick baby who can't communicate just messes up my head.
In a few minutes, I am taking a mental health jaunt by myself to Target. Last night, I took N to Wal-Mart and ate 2 helpings of ice cream before bed in an attempt to self-medicate (since clearly the lack of sleep is affecting my prescribed medication's ability to work effectively).
These last couple days have been "2 kids is quite enough, thank you" days, but once G is feeling better, I know I'll be back on the "I want 3" chain gang.
Further proof that my brain is near the shutting down point, I actually purchased a "Bratz" DVD for N, something I swore at one time (probably before I had kids) that I would never do. You just get to the place where you say, "I am probably fighting a losing battle that really isn't worth fighting in the first place."
Off to Target before I get into a parenting debate with my already addled mind and feel more guilt and inadequacy than I already do.
Damn germs!!!!
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