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Sunday, July 27, 2008

1st Birthday Anticipatory Sadness

I have issues, but what else is new?

G is now 10 months old, and I am already feeling a little sad about his 1st birthday in two months. How can he possibly be coming up on a 1st birthday? This year has simply flown by too quickly. My baby boy will soon be a toddler.

On N's 1st birthday, I teared up when everyone was singing "Happy Birthday." Such a happy occasion, and I was sad. Of course, I was clinically depressed at the time, so I thought it was that. But with the Big One looming for G, I feel sad already. Sad that this time is passing so, so, so fast.

I enjoy him immensely. He cuts a swath of destruction on our 1st floor within 10 minutes of waking in the morning and gets into every crevice of the house to explore, but I find it hilarious. With N, I found her explorations aggravating because I was 1.) unmedicated and 2.) unused to having my home be demolished in the way kids demolish a home. I guess now that I have gotten used to my home being a small version of Toys-R-Us, I can handle the extra bit of mess than G creates.

And he is just a happy boy. He has a deep belly laugh. Tonight he watched N banging on the garbage can, so he pulled himself up and started doing the same. Oh how proud he was of himself. Just laughed and laughed every time his chubby little hand hit the lid.

My friends with boys said I would adore him when I felt all weirded out after the "Here's my penis" ultrasound, and they were right. I do adore him, and partly just because of his boy-ness. One of my favorite things is when I lay down on the floor, and he tackles me in his attempt to get to the other side of the room. I am simply an object for him to conquer on his way to his trucks and balls and noise-maker toys. He is generally grunting and growling as he's tackling....all boy, all the time.

He is a bubber (I don't know what this is, but it is a term N coined that seems to describe G in a nutshell).

3 comments:

Keri said...

Awwwww...I understand your sadness. Every birthday since Bailey's first has been a bittersweet occasion for me. Now that we're on our (presumedly) last baby, it will probably only get worse for me from here on out!

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