Men

Today I bought myself some new sunglasses, and while ordering them with the help of some dude in his early 30s, it occurred to me that men are just plain weird. Not bad weird, just "I can't understand them because I am a woman," weird.

The guy was trying to sell me on the benefits of getting polarized lenses and anti-reflective coatings and all this other whizz-bang junk. Considering my current sunglasses aren't even real sunglasses, just old Rx frames that I had lightly tinted lenses put into at least 5 years ago which are now fading, I just want some real sunglass frames with dark lenses. That is all. No bells. No whistles. I'm not going to wear these constantly--just when it is sunny (so that eliminates the months of November-February).

Anyway, he kept blathering on about how great these coatings are to avoid glare from car windows or the lake, and it occurred to me that this sensitivity to all things that then requires spending additional money for bells & whistles is limited to the XY chromosomal pairing.

D talks all the time about how smoothly different cars ride. Unless I am riding in a 4X4 truck or a bus, I can't tell a difference. He has a sensitive ass that can sense every bounce, shake or bump from a car. Just yesterday he was talking about a new Nissan he rode in with a co-worker, and it has a continuous something or another that makes it so you can't feel the gears shifting. I don't feel my gears shifting in my car. I don't feel gears shifting in any car unless I am riding in a stick with someone who doesn't know what the fuck they are doing. (Or maybe I don't notice shifting gears because I am too busy listening to a 3-year-old talk or handing her water or listening to her throw a fit because of something or another---a little distraction from a preschooler will keep one from sensing anything related to one's derriere).

I used to think D was weird, but I am slowly starting to realize this is a man thing. He is not unusual....he is merely explaining to me one of the unique qualities of the opposite sex.

So all the money we've spent these past 10 years on the extras are a legitimate requirement owing to a delicate male genetically-derived sensitivity. A few examples:

• How high definition looks SOOOOOO much better than non-high definition (i.e., affordable).
• How hooters/tweeters/woofers/all things that sound like pets but are really related to media make the sound more accurate and exact to the eardrums of the male sex.
• How cameras and camcorders with 5,000 features (instead of say 50 features) makes the pictures so much more vibrant.

Ahhhh boy. It is gonna be interesting raising a son.