D and I will celebrate 10 years of marital commitment in November...provided the stress of having a 3-year-old and a new baby doesn't make our home implode prior to then.
Neither one of us is really very good at accepting change. I think we are still adjusting to life with N and all the sacrifices that go with parenting her. We haven't really talked about it, but I think we are both expecting all hell to break lose when G is born.
Sometimes I forget that D gets stressed over being a dad, I guess because he goes off to work everyday and I tend to the meat and potatoes work of discipline, feeding, cleaning, organizing, driving, doctoring, etc. The way I envision it it can't be that bad for him because he is OUT of the house, AWAY from tantrums and dawdling and wrestling and the 20 second attention span. He gets to be around adults and pee & poop without an audience. He gets to go out to lunch with coworkers/friends 2 times a week.
But there is alot of mental stress associated with being the breadwinner--worry about paying for things and providing for the family. And work is work, regardless, so it isn't like his day is all about fun and relaxation. And then when he comes home, he enters the world of preschool psychosis, which can be amusing and scary at the same time (but is rarely relaxing).
Sometimes I'm sure D forgets how difficult it is for me being a full-time mom...if for no other reason than it can be tedious. I clean the bathroom this week, and then next week, I have to clean it again. Same for laundry, cooking supper, vaccuuming, grocery shopping, etc. And even though I do these things ad nauseum, I don't get a review or pay increase or bonus every year where my housekeeping skills are praised, or I am commended for promptly paying our bills every month.
So being a full-time mom is mind-numbing due to the repetitive nature of the work, plus I am totally dependent on D to provide for me, to continue supporting me as a full-time mom...both financially and emotionally.
We were married for over 6 years before N came, so he and I got VERY accustomed to doing exactly what we wanted to do and for as long as we wanted to do it. D used to wash his car every weekend and play computer games for hours on end. I used to just go whenever I wanted, and so being housebound every afternoon during naptime or having to go out virtually everywhere with my preschool traveling partner doesn't allow me that fancy free feeling I used to get.
Despite all of this, I love my life so much more than before we had N. Maybe a big part of this is I am finally medicated after needing to be since I was at least 20 (but not being). I don't want to sound too warm & fuzzy (because no doubt about it parenting is a BITCH), but I adore my family and what it has brought to my life.
I do have plenty of moments (especially when N hasn't taken a nap) when I think, "Why the fuck did I do this?" But most of the time I think about what will be going through my head when I die, and I know it will be my family. I will be thinking about D and N and G. And not the sucky times either...I will remember the funny things, the vacations, the times we spent together. And I will hate to leave them.
I don't know how men think, so I don't know whether D feels the same or similar as I do about his family. Sometimes I really think (or fear) he'd prefer to be single, live in an apartment and play video games every evening for 6 hours. I know he loves me and N, and will love G, but it is just different for guys. My suspicion is that while moms have their moments of thinking they want to run away from it all (but wouldn't really because it would kill them to leave their children), dads would strongly consider making a dash (and possibly even do it) if it weren't for the legal system and guilt.
Didn't nature design us that way? Males deposit their sperm to as many females as possible and high-tail it out of there. Females try to find the "best" male with whom to reproduce and hopefully get him to hang around for a bit (or bite off his head after he orgasms).
I've said it before and I'll say it again: we need to live in communes (but this is a thought for another blog--my fingers are tired).
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