Debating the experts

For the most part I don't read child-rearing books. I am entirely too obedient to authority figures to be able to read these books without killing myself to implement every "do good by your child" strategy.

However, as a way to use up some of D's frequent flier miles, we were able to get a bunch of magazine subscriptions, and 2 of those are Parents and Parenting. So I get little "sound byte" chunks of child-rearing expertise, which is more than enough to drive me bonkers.

Because of my OCD (I suspect), I have gotten a couple little pieces of info related to childrearing stuck in my head. These thoughts circle around on the turntable of my mind so maybe by putting them here (and providing my humble opinion of them), I'll be able to move on to another song.

One of the snippets I read was by some experts who said that it is better NOT to read books based on tv series to your child because the child uses what he/she has seen on tv to create the character in their mind's eye (thereby preventing the child from creating his/her own image of the character).

Another relates to the standby of "too much tv is bad for kids," and the ensuing debate over how much tv is too much.

As best I can tell, what we as parents are supposed to read to children are picture books. So even if we are reading something that has never been on tv, the illustrator has taken the liberty of creating the characters and scenes for the child. The child accepts the image provided by the book, so isn't that the same as getting an image from the tv that is then repeated on the pages of the picture book.

And how are children supposed to develop their imaginations anyway. A child needs fertile soil (experiences) from which to grow a hearty pretend world. Why is it that tv experiences don't count as readily as those from other ways of learning and experiencing? N recognized a humpback whale in a magazine because she saw one on Go, Diego, Go, not because I took her on a whaling expedition in Alaska.

The beef I have with these inane expert views is similar to the problem I have with how we are told (as teachers) to teach kids to write. We aren't supposed to mark up their papers and correct things for them. We are supposed to have them figure it out by marking G for "Grammar Problem" and P for "Punctuation Problem." But how are they supposed to know what to change if they've never actually seen it changed for them? Or if they haven't read enough books in their lives to actually hear how sentences are supposed to sound?

Lord knows I had tons of my papers red-inked to death as a kid, and I think I'm a pretty alright writer now (although a lot of this is innate, I think). But shoot, once I saw it red-inked I didn't make that stupid mistake again. I learned from having my errors pointed out in glaring lights as if off-Broadway.

The rational part of my brain tells me that these "expert" guidelines aren't for moms like me...they are for the ding-dong moms who have no clue how to parent. Just like doctors who say "Don't smoke, drink, eat soft cheese, take OTC medicines while pregnant" have to make blanket statements because of the ding-dongs.

But the problem is the ding-dongs don't listen. It's the people like me, the overly- conscientious folk, who chase our tails trying to follow every experts recommendations and raise perfect children.

Ahh...there it is. Perfect children. Like I get an extra spin at the wheel if I have a kid who "does well." I know I fall prey to that, and it rankles me but I don't have the energy for another rant.