After watching my 2-month-old nephew today for approximately 7 hours, I have even greater doubts that mothering more than 1 child is a good idea.
Now I realize that watching someone else's child, even when said child is of your blood, isn't the same as caring for a child to whom you gave birth. But aside from knocking me straight on my butt physically, it really taxed me mentally.
The biggest stress was over N....trying to help her understand that I had to tend to A and she had to wait a few minutes, worrying that she was vegging too much in front of the tv (since I was tending to A, plus we didn't have a carseat for him so we were stuck in the house all day), stewing over how guilty I felt not giving her the "normal" amount of attention she gets on a regular basis, fretting over whether she would adapt properly if D and I ever do get pregnant, wondering whether given all the above fretfulness we should even continue with our baby-making efforts.
Yep, today was a pretty big self-induced headache.
I wish I didn't have this yen to be "Mom of a Lifetime." I wish I didn't strive so darn hard to be terrific. But I guess I have spent the last 3 years creating my own monster because N expects certain things of me now. I sometimes complain because she always wants me to do things with her, but I set myself up for this (without realizing it, of course).
Ah well. I think after today I'll be pretty ok to see my period start.
1 comment:
I feel the same way sometimes...that I am neglecting Andrew, that he watches too much tv, that Lily spends way too much time in her bouncer...etc etc etc.
Then I remember that this is exactly why I wanted Andrew to have a sibling. So that he would start to realize the world doesn't revolve around him, shouldn't revolve around him, and he is still loved at the end of the day. Lily is my main action to try and make Andrew less bratty. So far...so good? Who knows.
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