Don't tell mom the babysitter is catatonic.

I have had a revelation. Today I am totally cool with having N as my only child. I suspect D and I may be "only child type parents," and so god, in her vast knowledge and wisdom, is making conception not occur because our DNA and instinctive desire to breed just don't get the "bigger picture." (Mind you, I might be singing a different tune later this week when Auntie is expected. I'm sure I'll be whining over not-conceiving when she greets me.)

How did I come to this revelation? Simple: I babysat my 2-year-old nephew and my 2-month-old nephew on Saturday night. So there were 2 adults...one who is not really adept at dealing with an infant, and me, who has dealing with a cold, so it was brutal.

Overall the kids were good. Nothing out of the ordinary or weird or bad happened. It was just overwhelming.

N had a couple meltdowns because she doesn't go to childcare and is, therefore, simply unused to having to fend for herself over toys. I had to watch R closely (the 2-year-old) because he's a boy and doesn't get it quite like N does that markers and stickers are made for arts & crafts (not foodstuffs). And poor A, the baby. When he wasn't being hoisted into weird laying positions by D, he was in the swing or in the middle of a toddler sandwich (when I had to hold him and wrestle a toy away from R and N as they wrestled each other).

I forgot how much I dislike the "wormy stage" of infancy, which is basically until a baby can roll over or sit up on his or her own. Of course, I adored all stages of N's development, so it could be I dislike the wormy stage of all babies who are not born of my womb.

When my brother and SIL returned, they started cleaning up because my basement looked like downtown Manhattan after 9-11. I nearly said, "Leave it. I'll clean it up next week. Just please get out of my house." Literally, when they walked out the front door, we shut it, locked it, turned off the lights, somehow lugged our aching bodies up the steps and climbed into bed.

It is Monday, and it makes me tired just thinking about Saturday night. I know there are some women who have 3 kids under 3 in their homes ALL THE TIME, and I don't know how they do it (without alot of meds, a nanny, a cleaning crew, and an on-site therapist).

I am supposed to watch A again this week for an entire day. Dear me, whatever have I gotten myself into? I'm sure this will only be the final nail in the "Maybe I don't wanna get pregnant" coffin.

Ah well. I'll let those other laid back women who can handle a big brood birth the babes. My place in life is clearly somewhere else.