Tuesday, August 16, 2011

The hounds of hell or "What happens to my mood during PMS"

I started my monthly cycle at age 10.  From what I understand, some girls start their periods and may wait months before another one comes around.  This was never my problem.  From the get-go, I had a period every.single.month.  It took pregnancy and breastfeeding to give me a reprieve.

I think I was a pretty normal child prior to menstruating, but I really believe all the hormone fluctuations are what turned on the anxiety, the OCD, the premenstrual insane moodiness that made my mother hate my guts every third week of the month.

Birth control pill usage in my twenties seemed to level me out.  I still had the anxiety and OCD, but not the raging, the outbursts, the feeling that I simply could not control my emotions.

When I became pregnant with M while on birth control pills, D said he'd never trust them again, and I was all too happy not to be in charge of birth control.  Who needs the expense?  Plus, the pill has the ability to turn my normally pathetic libido into a pathetically nonexistent libido.

Yesterday, though, I experienced the "light switch affect," which is when my mood literally feels like someone hit the switch and I went from feeling relatively normal to feeling like a feral cat with rabies.  Sure, the district calling off school AGAIN didn't help.  Sure, it didn't help that G hadn't napped and was more or less a ramped up version of his normal wild thing.  But it is plum scary when I can almost feel the chemical shift inside my head and the fallout from it.

So I am wondering if perhaps I should consider going on the pill for strictly mental health reasons.  Because I really, really don't want my children to remember me as a raving bitch.  Or I may wait and speak to my psychiatrist about this at my next visit since I've heard that taking a slight increase in one's AD during PMS week can also minimize the wild mood swings.  

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