In the works

It just seems like there is alot going on, and most of it is stuff I either have to do or things I can't control. And when I am confronted with "out of my hands" issues, I start to feel anxiety creeping.

• The obvious "not in my control" thing is the pregnancy. I've made it to 12 weeks, heard the heartbeat, and still feel weird. My thoughts keep going something like this, "This wasn't planned, so it's kinda like a miracle that I even got pregnant, which means something bad is going to happen, because....well, I don't know why, but I just can't get invested." There is nothing rational about this thought, but it is there, floating around in my head. With N, I didn't believe I was going to have a baby until I was in the process of delivering her (full-fledged, unchecked, unmedicated anxiety). With G, I believed it much sooner that I was actually going to have a baby (happily medicated, post-therapy). This baby, I am somewhere in between. My rational brain and psycho brain are at odds at the moment. I know it is because this wasn't planned, but I don't know what to do about, if anything. Time will take care of it, I reckon.

• Summer class. Have to do it. Just something hanging over my head, causing anxiety.

• Vacation, which I am looking forward to, but there is some level of stress with thinking about spending money, planning, driving, keeping kids happy in the car, etc.

• Refinancing our mortgage. No biggie, but something else on my mind's back-burner.

• Did I mention the unplanned pregnancy?
  

• N is sick, and I hate it when either of the kids is sick. Can't do a darn thing but wait it out.

And then there are lots of other little things I need to do at some point, like make a dentist appointment for myself, make a ENT appointment for G, get the kids' pictures made, take them for their respective well visits. Just little things that clutter up my brain, and zap me with anxiety rays until I get them done.