Sometimes I feel like I am betraying my blog name because I rarely write about my OCD or GAD. But I am mood-disordered and always will be. As my psychiatrist said this Wednesday afternoon, I need to be monitored. Not that she or I expects anything to go awry, but for everyone's peace of mind and, most importantly, insurance purposes I should check in periodically.
I've had the occasional intrusive thought--envisoning G falling down the stairwell when I carry him to my bedroom in the middle of the night to nurse. This evening I had a breakthrough blip about knives. I don't let them bother me for very long. Usually I think, "Oh darn, another one" and let it go, but it will always be a little unnerving to have these crazy thoughts that pop into my head.
Of course, my shrink says the worse the intrusive thought the more gentle and least likely to be harmful is the person who has the IT. So it is reassuring to know that I won't be acting on any of them.
I think I have finally gotten to a point where I don't feel like my OCD and GAD rule my life as a mom anymore, and that is saying alot because for a long time I felt like these things defined me. Maybe they make mothering a little more challenging for me, but that is all.
As I near the time when I will introduce solids to G, I do wonder whether my brain chemicals will get all wonky as my breastfeeding hormones shift. That seemed to be what threw me into a tailspin with N. But I wasn't on meds then.
So it is nice to feel like I have adjusted to my conditions....FINALLY.
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